The Canvas

[ur_shadow89]

Sitting here, admiring nature’s best
Feeling the breeze of the cold windy air
Listening to the rustling leaves
My mind flows with the stream.

With my heart on my brush,
Images of you comes to life,
With every tone and shade I strewn
A masterpiece is being born.

As I carve my thoughts through the canvas,
Every motion, unveils a story…
Every caress, divulges my fidelity…
Every stroke, unfolds another memory.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Much as I like the tribute in the first three stanzas, I think the final two lines, especially the reference to conquering, seem alien to the spirit of the poem as a whole.

[MorpheusSandman]

While I agree with Prince's observation I think it really works for this piece precisely because it stands out in a piece that is otherwise full of poetic cliches. Since we've already had the discussion about cliches in poetry I won't reiterate, but I think this is one way to use cliches effectively because when we've heard lines like "feeling the breeze of cool windy air" it creates a certain expectation and yet those final two lines violently unravels that expectation.

[ur_shadow89]

To Prince & Morpheus, thanks for your advices. I guess the last two lines seems to be out of place in the piece, so I just deleted it.

[Bar22do]

to me, as it is now, your poem is rather suspended... but think if it is not an interesting effect and if you intended it as such...