Untitled Stream of Conscious Crap

[MorpheusSandman]

(Mostly culled from what I can remember of what was going through my head before I went to bed last night; it's certainly incomplete, but I thought I'd post it here in its rather haphazard form just to get some reactions first.)

The rooster grins to the pearly morn
And the crescent headed moon man’s horn
Stands on stilts and illumes the sky
On the green green grass where we sit and lie
On lawns we yawn to the Piper at the Gates
Of dawn who plays his song and lures the rats
From the sewers and homes and
Home…
The word is a memory from long ago
A fading lyric or melody of song
When we knew so briefly where we belonged
But remember, remember our time’s righteous treason
When they burned at the stake our will and our reason
And did love ascend and disperse with the smoke?
Where our gin and coke could never take a joke
But men, oh men, our women were right
And our taverns have gone into that good night
And, however slight, I miss them all; the fall
Of might… But we might, just might recall
Our homes past the doorways of dawn
Turning the knobs that bob in the bog
Of today’s total meltdown of damnable dogs

[Buh4Bee]

(Mostly culled from what I can remember of what was going through my head before I went to bed last night; it's certainly incomplete, but I thought I'd post it here in its rather haphazard form just to get some reactions first.)

The rooster grins to the pearly morn
And the crescent headed moon man’s horn
Stands on stilts and illumes the sky
On the green green grass where we sit and lie
On lawns we yawn to the Piper at the Gates
Of dawn who plays his song and lures the rats
From the sewers and homes and
Home…
The word is a memory from long ago
A fading lyric or melody of song
When we knew so briefly where we belonged
But remember, remember our time’s righteous treason
When they burned at the stake our will and our reason
And did love ascend and disperse with the smoke?
Where our gin and coke could never take a joke
But men, oh men, our women were right
And our taverns have gone into that good night
And, however slight, I miss them all; the fall
Of might… But we might, just might recall
Our homes past the doorways of dawn
Turning the knobs that bob in the bog
Of today’s total meltdown of damnable dogs

Poetry by it's virtue allows us to express our philosophical perception of reality- whatever it maybe. So often it seems, we poets, find it lacking or that it was better "before the fall".

beautiful lines:
the memory of our fading lyrics or the love that ascended

For a before sleep stream of consciousness, you make a coherent point as _________ (sad, depressing...) as it maybe. Can you write about another topic?
As for rhyme and meter, ********.

It's a good poem, but it is what it is and not the best I have seen you write. However, you stated that by the title.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The word is a memory from long ago
A fading lyric or melody of song
When we knew so briefly where we belonged
But remember, remember our time’s righteous treason
When they burned at the stake our will and our reason

There's a swing and an irrepressible motion to the whole of this but I was especially taken with the lines I quoted.

[paperleaves]

I like this side of you, and would be intrigued to see more of this in the future! It's different from your normal style, but since you hold so closely to your old form ( I suppose it's impossible to let that go) I would suggest experimenting with less structure. I am heavily criticized for this reason, but I think if you entertained the idea of just letting the "creative juices" flow onto the page without hesitation, it would be a lot more natural of a piece. I love this, Morpheus, and I can't wait to see what else you come up with!


love
Kate

[blank|verse]

It's just like Coleridge! Listening to Pink Floyd!

No, it's not your best, but it's good fun - I've tried to do something similar and the results are terrible, so well done for completing it - and having the guts to post it!

[~Sophia~]

I've never tried "stream of consciousness" writing but this was intriguing. It seems to have political undertones but, I could be misreading it. Thanks for the interesting look into your pre-sleep mind!

[Alexander III]

I enjoyed this, I believe you have to change the tittle as it certainly is not crap. However I agree it's not your best work, though I am partial to your sonnets. The rhyme was pulled of very smoothly and seemed so natural and unforced, I really admire the way you pulled that of. I cant comment on the meter but the rhythm was a bit weird for me, however I believe that it could be easily fixed with adding punctuation.

[MorpheusSandman]

Thanks to Jersea; I'm glad you picked up on the nostalgic note running through it.

Thanks to Prince and I wholly agree as those were my favorite lines to and really what inspired me to post it.

Thanks to paperleaves. Honestly, it seems the more I try to write unstructured poetry the more my unconsciousness forces it into forms. When I say this piece was born out my stream of consciousness ramblings it's quite accurate; my mind just seems to work in rhymed and alliterative tetrameter! I will endeavor to try and unhinge them even more in the future.

Thanks to blnk vrz: As much as I don't like to admit it I think I've been quite influenced by Syd Barret's imagery!

Thanks to Sophia: I didn't intend any political themes but who knows what comes through when one composes without really thinking about it?

Thanks to Alexander: The title was because I was too lazy to come up with another one and since it seemed incomplete I felt it better to wait until I, well completed it. Yes, the rhythm is very off because I don't sustain the tetrameter and break it many times. I can't decide if I want to create the whole in tetrameter or just break it down and completely alter the form entirely.