Through The Mirror - Across The Sea

[Dinkleberry2010]

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[MorpheusSandman]

I can certainly feel the emotion in the piece. My suggestion might be to elaborate on it a bit more and if you're going to have a tonal swing such as with the final stanza it helps to lead up to it a bit.

[Dinkleberry2010]

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[MorpheusSandman]

I don't think poetry can get too personal any more than it can get too distanced; it's just a matter of perspective. But there's almost always a way to work on the technique and form and make it better. It's not the idea, it's the execution.

I must say, Jermac, that you seem to take a really bad attitude in many of your posts. I don't know about others but it's often quite off-putting. Whether someone asks a questions or makes any kind of criticism or, God forbid, you notice spelling and grammar mistakes. This should be a friendly forum.

[Dinkleberry2010]

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[MorpheusSandman]

Well, then that's really all that matters. But you have to learn to accept that once you write a poem (or create any art) it then exists in the space between the work and the viewer and it's just as much about how they see it - its flaws, its strengths, its greatness or lack there of, etc. - as it is how you see it. Art is communication, it's a social experience. You can create something and feel it's perfect all you want and people may hate it and feel it could be improved in a million different ways; likewise you could create a throwaway piece that's full of what you perceive as flaws and nobody else will notice them and think it's the greatest thing you've ever done.

Presumably when you post a poem on here you want feedback. If you post a poem thinking it's flawless and expecting everyone to praise it as such you're going to be in for many rude awakenings. Personally, it seems to me just by reading your above comment you are much, much too close to this piece to really examine it objectively. I could point to many, many things in the piece I feel are flaws or could be improved on or things not included in the piece that would be better if they were included. But since you've already decided its perfect why do you need anyone to comment at all?

If you're going to take this tone every time anyone comments then you're quickly going to find nobody commenting at all and you severely lacking in interested readers.

[paperleaves]

You know, Jermac, I was just about to comment on how great the last two lines are:
"Giants, such as you,
just don't don't walk this earth any more."

and leave it at that, but honestly, I feel sorry for your inability to see that we're trying to help you! Morpheus stated the truth when he said that your bad attitude is off-putting, and that this should be a friendly forum. If you don't feel that your poetry is deserving of friendly, constructive criticism, then who are you to harp about our flaws? We want feedback, that's why we appreciate your comments! Why would I continue to post praise on your poetry when you don't appreciate your reader? I am quite distressed by your behavior and I must say, your lack of respect for those of us who like to read (and comment) on your poetry will influence my high regard for your work. I hope you can find whatever it is that's restricting you from loving us just as much as we love you!


in kindness,
paper

[Dinkleberry2010]

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[MorpheusSandman]

...nor did I say that it is perfect. Why did you make those things up? You said: "This poem cannot be made any better than it is now. It doesn't need any changes whatsoever... it cannot be improved."

If something cannot be improved then is that not the definition of being perfect?


I don't want your love, and I sure don't want your helpThen what the hell do you want out of us on here? You seem to thank us for commenting when we praise your poems but the minute someone questions you or has any negative criticism to offer you jump down our throats...

[Buh4Bee]

This isn't a poem to deconstruct.

[Dinkleberry2010]

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[MorpheusSandman]

This isn't a poem to deconstruct.Every poem is a poem to deconstruct.

[Dinkleberry2010]

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[Babyguile]

Thanks for sharing the poem. It is what it is. If you gave the poem to me I could sure improve it, but relative to the poet who wrote it, this poem by Jermac is 'perfect'.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Sorry. This was meant to be posted as a new thread.

[Dinkleberry2010]

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