Pursuit Of Perfection: A Fragment

[Alexander III]

Neptune’s reign laid tranquil and serene,

[Buh4Bee]

This poem reminds me of your previous poems. Questioning existence from an existential stand point. It's not as dramatic or emotional. You seem to spike in your poetry from melancholic to horrible moaning.

I have tried to do this rhyming thing and got so frustrated last night that I just tore up 5 days of writing. I really lost my temper said F*ck it.

[MorpheusSandman]

I'm starting to think you may be litnet's finest classically romantic poet (with Dark Muse being a more modern romantic); this is another exercise in scrumptious language. My only negative criticism here is that I think this piece meanders more than some of your others. Even for pieces of short-medium length like this it's very necessary to have a sense of movement and propulsion. You have to tell a story even if it's an abstract one. I get the feeling this stagnates a bit too much. I also think the last stanza is a bit disconnected from the first, longer one. Although I can see how they're related there's a kind of missing link between them and a definite shift in tone and style.

[Alexander III]

Thank you for such a delightful praise.

And yes I agree with you both it is really noticeable whether or not I had a clear aim or idea for the poem. When My thoughts are obscure it really shows on the poem. And yes the two stanzas were written on two separate days, and I unfortunately am unable to keep one style or tone and replicate it.

[Buh4Bee]

I posted a "rhyming" poem on your other thread. It's so not my style, prose is where I feel more comfortable.

Keep writing, the improvement is astonishing.