stairs

[cogs]

carefully, i ascend,
aware of this stage's gravity,
moving too quickly
could roughly plummet me
again, by myself, at the bottom;

skipping risky steps,
others tried and tripped,
approaching you on the landing,
surprised at how far i'm getting,
already, our eyes connect...
our hearts, escalating love

[MorpheusSandman]

Hmmm, this is an interesting piece but I'm not sure what to make of it. Surely the stairs are a metaphor but I wonder if the "reveal" at the end isn't a bit too cliched. An interesting experiment might be to write this an escalating syllabic or beat form to mimic the idea of ascending stairs.

[Dark Muse]

I enjoyed the metaphor of the stairs within this poem, and I agree it did have some very interesting asepcts to it.


aware of this stage's gravity

This line particuarly reached out and grabbed me within the poem.

[hack]

I like it too cogs.

[Delta40]

this reminds me of two people moving in opposite directions in life yet a volume of information is passed between them in the brief moment which you have shone a light upon

[cogs]

thank you all for reading, and for commenting! i'm encouraged.

[Bar22do]

carefully, i ascend,
aware of this stage's gravity,
moving too quickly
could roughly plummet me
again, by myself, at the bottom;

skipping risky steps,
others tried and tripped,
approaching you on the landing,
surprised at how far i'm getting,
already, our eyes connect...
our hearts, escalating love

... - and "two people (apparently) moving in opposite directions in life" but obeying a strange lot that destiny has chosen for them to meet and work it through to their best endurance of hurt and fall! And your poem is a sample. Thanks a lot!

[cogs]

Hmmm, this is an interesting piece but I'm not sure what to make of it. Surely the stairs are a metaphor but I wonder if the "reveal" at the end isn't a bit too cliched. An interesting experiment might be to write this an escalating syllabic or beat form to mimic the idea of ascending stairs.
morpheus, how quickly you pick up my thoughts, showing your experience. i'm happy, at least, there's a crescendo of action, mimicking the ascension.