Attempt

[Annabelle]

Until now only said why.

You should also understand,
even
it has always been
the conscience within,
there is this already gauged limit to my
infinite understanding and empathy-
for if not- I will totally become the whole YOU,
which, of course, not in my humble desire.
But, just tell me
No, don't tell me
Reality showed.
The big trade off between
happiness and truth, is it?

If you tried
Should I try;
If he dried you
Should I cry, Mom?
When I pour my inside out
Doubt if there is a real hatred.
But hey, you gave me this absoluteness and slicing
everyday from it.
All that was there is here
All the quests have been for this little dot.
All the questions have been for me, me, and maaaaaaa
Screw you, god
You are just this single word
on which I project my objective.

[MorpheusSandman]

Very fractured, somewhat difficult (not really a bad thing); it feels very stream of consciousness. Maybe something better worked into a short story but it certainly seems to capture the workings of a very conflicted and damaged psyche.

[Dinkleberry2010]

Reminds me somewhat of Sylvia Plath's poem "Daddy"--especially the last stanza. She says "Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through" You say "Screw you, god." The last stanza needs more development. You suddenly come out with the statement "Screw you, god." It comes out of nowhere and is not related to anything else in the poem.

[Annabelle]

Thank you for your comments.
As a title, I didn't give any; for it was an attempt to capture my stream of instantaneous thoughts and write down in a stanza form.

About the word "god", yes, you might be thinking right. But it is not even "god", that was the word "mom", which was a sideway thought constantly hovering in my mind that I just instinctively plugged in.

First, the person tries to explain, but gradually finds it of no use or not in power to figure out and evades by swearing "god", which he or she hasn't even defined.

[Dinkleberry2010]

I think I understand where you're coming from, and I think I understand the poem; it's just that it seemed like that line "screw you, god" came out of nowhere. I don't see in the lines preceding it the reason for it. It's like it's just suddenly stated. Now I can see how the lines following it are related to it.

[Dinkleberry2010]

So are you saying "screw you" to mom or to god? The way I took it when I first read it was that you were saying to god "screw you."

[Annabelle]

to god.