Batsi

[Biggus]

It was early in the
Month of June
I knew my trip
Would end to soon

In Batsi town
On Andros isle
I came to rest
And stayed a while

The northern isle
In the Cyclades
With sun and sand
And soft sea breeze

Bathed in the sun
And in the blue sea
Bathed in the beauty
Of the culture I see

I’ll miss the place
And people fare
The scent of herbs
On warm night air

The groves and vines
Of differing hues
The hills and valleys
And Aegean views

For one last look
I slowly turn
I don’t know when
But I will return

[Dinkleberry2010]

I like this poem. I like the images it evokes--I actually felt the warmth of the sun as I read this poem. The only suggestion I make is to lengthen the lines. The shortness of the lines gives a feeling of abrubtness. I think if you combined some of the lines and made them longer, it would give a more pleasing effect.

[Biggus]

Thank you

[Bar22do]

It is a nice unpretentious light poem and a kind tribute to the place! plus one last adjective: gracious! Thanks for sharing it. Bar

[firefangled]

You have a keen sense of rhythm, Biggus. Ever thought of writing songs. This is lovely.

[paperleaves]

I agree with ff, this has a beautiful rhythm to it, Biggus. Congrats! and thanks for sharing :)


love
Kate

[MorpheusSandman]

I love it; a perfect example of how a simple mix of rhythm, meter, and rhyme can create such a perfectly pure poetic experience. The only things that need tidying up are:

"Bathed in the sun
And in the blue sea
Bathed in the beauty
Of the culture I see"

This is the only stanza where the meter is quite different from the rest that pre and proceeds it. It's difficult to fix given the rhymes and the chosen words but an amendment to something like:

In the sun
And in the sea
I bathed in the beauty
Of the culture I see

It fixes the meter of the first two lines but the second two still stretch out a bit. Is it out of the question to simply remove this stanza or completely rethink it?

"For one last look
I slowly turn
I don’t know when
But I will return"

Simple fix here: change "I will" to "I'll".

[Biggus]

Thank you all

[Buh4Bee]

Big- I actually like the structure of this poem. There has been an overwhelming amount of discussion about meter and rhyme. Your poem does a nice job illustrating some of the attractive aspects of writing in such a structured way.

I also just like your poem for expressing the simply enjoyment of being in a place you love and uncertain when you will be back. The last look of a place is always bitter sweet. I always feel this way at the end of the summer when I leave the jersey shore. Will it still be there when I return next summer or will global warming wash it away?

Thanks for sharing.

[Biggus]

Thanks Jersea