Melancholy

[hoope]

Hi guys ,
this is a small new poem ..i just finished writing it .. and i post in my blog as well .. hope you like it .Its called Melancholy


Walking in the darkness
Nothing is starkness

Trying so hard to smile

Everything for awhile

Turned to be labile



I wish I just wish

If things could go another way

And start a new day

To see the sun for once shining



Sunken in melancholy

It’s tears I live in

thought out these years

And fears I carry

of how things are gonna be



Am all alone

and things are unknown

Am blown of the track



Walking in the darkness

Nothing is starkness

Trying so hard to smile

Everything for awhile

Turned to be labile

[blazeofglory]

I like it but I suggest if you are not so much obsessed with rhymes you could write better. Today poetry is redefined and without framed of rhymes also poetry can have its luster and beauty.

Try to write one without rhymes you will do the amazing

[hoope]

I like it but I suggest if you are not so much obsessed with rhymes you could write better. Today poetry is redefined and without framed of rhymes also poetry can have its luster and beauty.

Try to write one without rhymes you will do the amazing

hi blaze ,
thx for the comment & the advice .. Do u believe that this is the first time i write in rythming way .. . i am never good in finding the right rythmes but this time i worked kinda hard on making this up :D whatevaaa i will stick on my old style of not making rythmes then .. that would be better !
thanks again:)

[blazeofglory]

hi blaze ,
thx for the comment & the advice .. Do u believe that this is the first time i write in rythming way .. . i am never good in finding the right rythmes but this time i worked kinda hard on making this up :D whatevaaa i will stick on my old style of not making rythmes then .. that would be better !
thanks again:)

This is just a suggestion and of course you must write the way you like and must respect your own passions. If you have a passion for rhymes you must continue rhyming your poems.

[hoope]

This is just a suggestion and of course you must write the way you like and must respect your own passions. If you have a passion for rhymes you must continue rhyming your poems.

Thank you blaze .. i will sure try to have my own style in writing poems.. though am just a beginner & i am not that expert and hope to get better :)
Greetings

[MorpheusSandman]

I do think this is a case where the rhymes distract rather than enhance. It's such a fine line, but it's almost hard to view end rhymed triplets as anything but hopelessly superficial these days. I've used it for comical effect but I'm not sure if you can do it well in a serious piece anymore. There's something weird about using 3 rhymes that just automatically makes it comical. Maybe it was Dr. Seuss?

[hoope]

I do think this is a case where the rhymes distract rather than enhance. It's such a fine line, but it's almost hard to view end rhymed triplets as anything but hopelessly superficial these days. I've used it for comical effect but I'm not sure if you can do it well in a serious piece anymore. There's something weird about using 3 rhymes that just automatically makes it comical. Maybe it was Dr. Seuss?

i thought it would be different- different like special .. to use 3 rhymes!!!!
i will abstain that in future since its comical as u said !

thanks for your comment and for pointing that .