Henious Crime

[Albion.]

Television preffered to buildings like the lopsided pesa,
This is one of the reasons mankind has becamse so unrefined.
Gossip mags preffered to perfection such as the Mona lisa,
Staying at home broadening only their waist not mind.

Every man is guilty of this cold blooded murder,
They all commit the sin of killing time.
Even though it is impossible to know if they will be allowed to go much further.
They make to attempt to atone for this henious crime.

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Hear the voice of the Bard!

Wonderful. I take it from your name and the content of your poem that you're a William Blake fan? If not, you should stop what you're doing and go and learn 'London' off by heart.

And then re-read your own poem and see how you can improve it by ensuring you tighten up the lines and how they scan. The tone and pitch of your poem is such that it demands being read in quite a loud, firm voice (and one that a lot of poets are scared of these days, so well done for even attempting it) - but to carry this off successfully, you need it to be tighter, with a stronger, more consistent rhythm, or else it loses its expressive force and energy.

Check your spelling as well - 'heinous', 'preferred', 'Pisa', 'become'.

[Albion.]

Thank you for your reply. You were right i am a fan of William Blake and me name was chosen because of his use. I appreciate your tips and that is the reason i really share my poems on here to receive help because i am only 18 so i haven't as yet had the chance to study all types of poetry.

Also i apologise for my spelling mistakes its funny when i write it down on paper their were none but the keyboard seems to like making me regret not checking over my online writing.

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You might be interested in this Blake-esque poem I wrote and posted a while back...

You might also like contemporary poets like Sean O'Brien - eg. check out the Thatcher-bashing 'Valedictory' from the award-winning collection 'The Drowned Book' (2007); and 'Timor Mortis', which just seems to be angry about everything in Britain at the moment. Also Glyn Maxwell's 'Hide Now' (2008) which is excellent, and he's not afraid of using strong rhythms and rhymes; and Simon Armitage's 'T-Rex versus the Corduroy Kid' (2006) has some political stuff in there. It's all good, and it's good to read poets who are alive. Keep writing.


THE RANT!

I stand in the street as the world whips around
And a phalanx of faces that stare at the ground
All flash past without even so much as a glance
Too wrapped up with themselves in a fearful trance

And they’re only concerned about how they appear
Just as long as they’re busy they’ll be in the clear
From the voices that question the reason they live
So they’ll keep taking more from the world than they give.

But if I’m here that means that I’m part of the game
And I wonder how many are thinking the same
And how many enjoy being part of the race
And if anyone feels that we live at a pace

And a speed that seems totally out of control
And if given the chance would they just stop it all
Because I would. I mean it, I’ve just had enough
Of being bombarded with rubbish and stuff

That we don’t really want and we really don’t need
And are made in a death-house by angels that bleed
And whose childhoods are stolen from under their feet
Just to feed the fat businessman’s need to compete

And the fat-headed couples whose fat-headed kids
Will ensure that we live in a world that forbids
All intelligence, beauty and people who care
About life on this planet, the water, the air

We all breathe, as the temperature’s starting to rise
And the sea-levels too, but who’s bothered who dies?
And the newspaper headlines are full of the lies
Of the climate change sceptic who pockets the prize

From the fat-headed businessman’s fat-headed mate
Who is sucking the blood from the earth just to make
A quick profit from people who don’t have a choice
As the capitalist gags the alternative voice.

But if I’m here that means that I’m part of the game
And the car that I’m driving pollutes just the same
And the petrol I’m buying is funding a war
That was started by governments flouting the law

And inventing a spurious case for attack
Carried out against countries that cannot fight back
Which is spawning the next generation of hate
Who’ll be blowing up buses for martyrdom’s sake

But as long as there’s burgers and fries and fast cars
And pictures of girls in bikinis and bras
And vacuous vapid celebrity stars
And bone-crushing morons to prop up the bars
Then there’s no chance we’ll ever see anything change:
The asylum will still be run by the deranged.

In a world that seems totally out of control
If you’re given the chance would you just stop it all?
Because I would.