this winter seized my love for the days

[Bar22do]

This winter seized my love of the days.
I strove against rough windy snows,
through bared woods, dull crowdy cities.
I mused on Santa Maria, alone but
for ceramic child in her church.
God left, I was told, for warmer zones,
to loves that only He indulges.
My fair solitude crushed
on shrubs of dense human voices,
(or were they pigeons over crumbs),
but I survive, a dwarf,
just my lower lip is still trembling
as if begging for that magic word
stashed away for another winter.
And I must look a frightful sight –
as I pick up from the deck of remnants
threads of wilted foliage of darks.
Hand open, I wish I could grasp
your biblical hopes and promised lands,
they too seized by heartless frosts,
but I merely hear - hitting against ice -
your littling steps in scattering snowflakes.

[Dinkleberry2010]

You need to explain what you meant by a certain line in your poem: the line "I wish I could grasp your bibical hopes and lands promised.'", because you see some might find that line offensive, and you need to explain it. It will not be enough for you to reply "That is ridiculous,"--that is no adequate reply or explanation. You need to go into detail about just what you meant by that certain line.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Those opening lines are so authoritative, so commanding, that they sweep one through this deeply confiding poem!

My one quibble would be that "lands promised" offends against the strong rhythm throughout and would fit much better if it were "promised lands," which is anticipated by the earlier reference to "Biblical".

[qimissung]

What a lovely perusal of cold and solitude. Beautifully done.

[Bar22do]

Thank you for your attention and comments.
Peace to all.

[MorpheusSandman]

I love the chill and understated melancholy that runs through this piece. Thematic and imagery wise it reminded me of of one of my own poems called All That Was There (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=809148), though yours is more intimate and personal while I expand mine into a kind of apocalypse setting.

[hack]

Bar,
It brings a rather specific picture to me, shaped by my experience and tastes, no doubt. I read it as a story of snowfall in the Judean Desert, not unlike, in appearance anyway, the Mojave Desert. It is a beautiful and rare enough thing that it is unexpected...I like that it starts with a cold wind and ends in an ever quieting storm, becoming silent under the gathering flakes. Very nice, my friend and mysterious enough to force you to understand something about yourself as you try to make sense of it.
Peace
as always
Hack

[hack]

the beautiful Earth
white lace on the lady's neck
Holy Land in snow

[free]

I like the entire poem for its calmness and inklinging reminesces from ones life which become generally human. The poem's form accords with its content. Very good.

[tailor STATELY]

Actually I liked this line : "I wish I could grasp
your biblical hopes and promised lands";

It evokes in me a transcendental longing for the child/little person/mythical dwarf to come to grips with a spirituality just barely beyond its grasp; for the seed of the wish, the longing or desire, is the protagonist's hope - a hope seized, or chained, by an unyielding heart encased in its own frost. So sad. So sad.

[paperleaves]

Bar, this is beautiful, so beautiful, in fact, that I can't even spend time to comment at length because I am so inspired that I must not neglect writing any longer!

Love
Kate

[Bar22do]

Thank you all!

Morpheus: Only now have I discovered, read and appreciated your own poem « All That Was There ». I found it fine and equally sad, well penned! I do not know how come it escaped my attention! Its atmosphere, and especially the lines:

« …This land is a prison and they’ve got the key
They keep it chained up and just out of reach”

or

“And we were left like the infant on the first Christmas Day
And the loneliness left was all that was there”

bridge subtly with what I wrote in mine. We may have been seized with the same frosts at different moments... striving for the keys to freedom (or love of life) - not bought.

Hack: I like your imagery of the Judean Desert covered with snow... though very unlikely, as you say... but it feels even more mysterious as one pictures oneself Lady Earth with a lace on her holy land neck! Thanks, my friend.

Free: You sensed surrender beyond frosts and wind, how sensitive of you, thank you.

Leaves: you couldn't offer me a greater joy! though I know the Source of your (inextinguishable) inspiration is your own poetic depth, and your love. Hug!

[Bar22do]

Actually I liked this line : "I wish I could grasp
your biblical hopes and promised lands";

It evokes in me a transcendental longing for the child/little person/mythical dwarf to come to grips with a spirituality just barely beyond its grasp; for the seed of the wish, the longing or desire, is the protagonist's hope - a hope seized, or chained, by an unyielding heart encased in its own frost. So sad. So sad.

Oh, mythical dwarf vainly trying to grasp the ungraspable... too short!;) and too feeble to unchain the unyielding heart, slave itself... but the hand (though frozen with the rest) remains open and who knows...
Many thanks for your transcendental delicate reading... which I appreciate and am grateful the poem spoke to you...

[Dinkleberry2010]

I am with others in the opinion that two lines in your poem could be taken to be anti-Christian and Anti-Semitic. The two lines are: "God left, I was told, for warmer zones, to loves that only he indulges"; and the line "I wish I could grasp your bibical hopes and lands promised." You have given no explanation of those lines, and you need to go into detail and explain exactly what you meant by those lines. As has been stated before, if your reply is "That is ridiculous", that is simply not an adequate reply or explanation.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I am with others in the opinion that two lines in your poem could be taken to be anti-Christian and Anti-Semitic. The two lines are: "God left, I was told, for warmer zones, to loves that only he indulges"; and the line "I wish I could grasp your bibical hopes and lands promised." You have given no explanation of those lines, and you need to go into detail and explain exactly what you meant by those lines. As has been stated before, if your reply is "That is ridiculous", that is simply not an adequate reply or explanation.

I haven't noticed the "others" who read those lines as you do. Would you care to cite the links to them?

[Bar22do]

I haven't noticed the "others" who read those lines as you do. Would you care to cite the links to them?

Prince, thank you, but LET IT BE.

Peace

Bar

[Dinkleberry2010]

search for yourself and you will find them

[Dinkleberry2010]

I take it that you are prepared to "let it be" as you put it. That is fine with me.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Prince, thank you, but LET IT BE.

Peace

Bar


Quite wise and I will abide by it. Privately I will send you a quotation by Flaubert that supports your advice but might be construed to be inflammatory if I were to post it here.