A Tedious Battle

[Amylian]

Hey,

I have just finished writing my new poem. Check it out and your criticism is welcomed.

You know, I think I am in love with this one, some strange feelings linger within me forcing me to love it...Man!



“A Tedious Battle”


Lo and behold that round-shaped hole,
Where steams of explosive rounds
Made wrangles of conflict grew fiercely dull
And desperate those herd of nimble hounds.

Lo and behold that one-of-a-kind cylindrical staff
With the proud, twin canons by its lower side,
Where there stored dynamic missiles, shared in half,
And in wait to be fired at that round-shaped hole,
Where enemies of the empire reside.

Lo and behold those two sandy-colored hills
With the two grapevines that white ravenous
Soldiers ate from, but it was like sleeping pills.

Regards,
Ali Makki aka Amylian

[PrinceMyshkin]

I can well see why you are in love with this poem of yours (and I commend you for the honesty in proclaiming that love): every word of it seems to have the entire force of your being behind it!

[hack]

Twin canons in conflict!
Sounds like the crux of the biscuit.
Hack

[Bar22do]

The title bites! and your poem, riddled with neat irony, qualifies you, in my eyes at least, as a perfect candidate for the position of peace negotiator! And oh, how I love:

"With the two grapevines that white ravenous
Soldiers ate from, but it was like sleeping pills."

Would that all sandy-colored hills had such vines!

[Amylian]

I can well see why you are in love with this poem of yours (and I commend you for the honesty in proclaiming that love): every word of it seems to have the entire force of your being behind it!

I thank thee Prince for making such a statement..
Since I live in a society that conisders "open-love" or "sensual love" out of the question, lots of poeple tend to proclaim it publicly just like my brother, who, now is, ironically and funny in a way, a "communist" lol.. Yes, this is a term that is reffered to anyone who is "not against" but " doesn't approve" or certain religous agendas. Although when it comes to morals, they are the ones you want to look for...

I am trying to be honest. Yes, I am proud to say that "my entire force" was behid this poem, if you catch my drift, and let people say what they want...

Regards,
Ali Makki aka Amylian

[Amylian]

Twin canons in conflict!
Sounds like the crux of the biscuit.
Hack

Hehehee, this is a good one...:lol:

[Amylian]

The title bites! and your poem, riddled with neat irony, qualifies you, in my eyes at least, as a perfect candidate for the position of peace negotiator! And oh, how I love:

"With the two grapevines that white ravenous
Soldiers ate from, but it was like sleeping pills."

Would that all sandy-colored hills had such vines!


If we just stay and focus on growing vines and forgetting the calamities of the world, then surely peace would occur...but I think humans are worthless and won't do it.

You see, there is a term I like to name, Fartism, which is a perfect metaphor of our era, don't you think?

Regards,
Ali Makki aka Amylian

[Bar22do]

If we just stay and focus on growing vines and forgetting the calamities of the world, then surely peace would occur...but I think humans are worthless and won't do it.

You see, there is a term I like to name, Fartism, which is a perfect metaphor of our era, don't you think?

Regards,
Ali Makki aka Amylian

It echoes something but I do not really know what Fartism is, has it to do with the world of terrorism or totalitarism??? I tend to think of humans as irresponsible creatures who refuse to grow, but some do, and outstanding individuals, minds, hearts (often humble and unknown) make it up for the rest and worthwhile living - don't you think?

[PrinceMyshkin]

I thank thee Prince for making such a statement..
Since I live in a society that conisders "open-love" or "sensual love" out of the question, lots of poeple tend to proclaim it publicly just like my brother, who, now is, ironically and funny in a way, a "communist" lol.. Yes, this is a term that is reffered to anyone who is "not against" but " doesn't approve" or certain religous agendas. Although when it comes to morals, they are the ones you want to look for...

I am trying to be honest. Yes, I am proud to say that "my entire force" was behid this poem, if you catch my drift, and let people say what they want...

Regards,
Ali Makki aka Amylian

I do indeed "catch your drift," as my own thoughts have drifted that way from time to time!