precious life

[nightshifft]

precious life


in who's eyes
if life is so precious
why is it easier cheaper to die
you work hard
pay your way year after year
building a life a home for all you hold dear
saving scraping
for a future that never comes
you have a cancer my son
cross the palm with gold and you may still grow old
you hope and you pray and you pay and you pay
as precious life slips away
when they fail to cut it away
bills pile up like tarot cards foretelling doom
don't answer the phone
voices sweet at honey
send more and more money
your payments slip behind
mortgage company starts to whine
shut off notices go un noticed
a knock at the door
sorry sir but its just my job
good news bad news the treatment is working
but if you cant pay you cant have anymore
here let me show you the door
I tee off at four
precious life in a land of wonder
corporate greed growing fat on the pain of the poor
business suits bleeding you to the core
until all is gone all you built all your dreams
all for naught
in the name of precious life
precious death
I don't fear you any more

dark

[MorpheusSandman]

Good grief your stuff is just brimming with power and passion nightshifft. I offered my more technical advice in your other thread but I'm just astonished at some of your words and rhythms and just pure, natural ability. I think you could be great if you put in some serious time and effort into understanding poetic technique. But the way that "you have cancer my son" line comes out of nowhere is like a poetic punch in the gut. I was almost breathless by the end!

Again, unpolished but powerful and full of potential.

[nightshifft]

thank you and thank you for the advice a lot of it i dont understand but thank you if i am granted the time my wish is to put them into a self published book for my family and friends had a couple publised in the area and one erotic piece in a magazine
loke i said i write what i feel never a thought about writeing when i was in school i could paint some then a friend said i should try painting with words

thank you