Upon The Throne I Built

[Dark Muse]

Upon The Throne I Built

Perhaps it is something I said,
I may be to blame after all,
not that I am one to complain,
I replay the words in my mind
as they traveled
through the lines
and it gave him a free pass
I should think.

I told him there was never any fear;
I was indestructible
who am I to be injured
by fickle lovers?
I lift a casual eye
and brush it aside,
what time should I waste
in tears over the wretches
so soon to be forgotten
unworthy of further contemplation.

Is it wrong
to be steadfast
to refuse to be the damsel in distress
I prefer to save myself
who else can be trusted with the task
when competence is often so failing.

But they believe
they can take advantage
of my strength
and use it as their excuse to seek out
some more meager prey
I scoff from the frozen towers
upon which I have enthroned myself.

It is an art one acquires over time
to remain standing unshattered
in the face of all events
to disallow
myself to fall apart
just because one chooses
no longer to love.

I do not regret
nor will I plead
and beg upon my knees
I will not linger beneath the sheets
and cry in my dreams,
I will stand where I always stood
casting down my eyes
and smile while I wave good-bye
and like the ashes
of cigarettes
you are flicked aside.

[tailor STATELY]

Some ambiguity here if read 'run on' ?:

"I told him there was never any fear
I was indestructible".............................maybe: for I was indestructible

"some more meager pray": prey?

I really like this part:

"I do not regret
nor will I plead
and beg upon my knees
I will not linger beneath the sheets
and cry in my dreams,
I will stand where I always stood
casting down my eyes
and smile while I wave good-bye"

"and like the ashes
of cigarettes
you are flicked aside.": I'm not a fan of this imagery, but it works well as lit noir

Very powerful; as the protagonist deigns to be.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you for your coments


"some more meager pray": prey?

and thanks for catching that.

[MorpheusSandman]

This may be the most personal, intimate piece I've read from you DM. I would typically complain about a certain "dryness" to the piece which seems to contradict the dark romanticism I've come to expect from you and yet I think the emotion behind the words carries in spite of it all. Nice one.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you, and the dryness here, is intented, reflecting upon the cold aloofness of the speaker in the poem and it is meant to have a sort of sardonic humur behind it. I have a certain fascination with J.D Salingeresque femme fatales.

[MorpheusSandman]

I figured given your usual aesthetics that the dryness was intentional. In my own aesthetic philosophy if you're going to write dry you'd better include something (and that something can be many things) to supply that void and in this piece I think it's the passion and emotion that serves as that. If I was to offer any other criticism it might just be to shorten it a little bit. After rereading I'm not entirely sure what I would take out but I think many of the sentiments would have greater impact in a briefer form of expression.

[cogs]

i really enjoy the scattered rhymes. the last stanza was very strong. this does have a queenly feel, as she looks down from her throne.

[Bar22do]

I could actually SEE:


"I lift a casual eye
and brush it aside,
what time should I waste
in tears..."

a very strong image!

and behind the sardonic tone along your poem, your graceful pride, healing and - indeed - queenly!

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!

[Buh4Bee]

The poem is awesome.

Too be vulnerable at times, is OK too.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!