same sex , Madness Behind Sane Eyes and No silver no Gold

[nightshifft]

Same sex marriage

Hell no don't allow gays to wed
where do they think they are anyway
this is America for gods sake
home of the free land of the brave
what gives them the right
to be happy and free
who thinks up this crap
that the government thinks we need
if gays want a fair shake then they should succeed
along with the working woman
blacks American Indians and Jews
what you say i go to far
well your god damn right that's to far
this isn't nazi Germany didn't we learn from the last master race
who's business is it if a man loves a man
if woman wants to kiss another woman's face
the bible says its wrong you say
well we all know who did the finale edit on that good book
and like all good works some of the best probably got left on the cutting
room floor
behind some politicians locked door
get rid of the 10 commandments from our court rooms
shouting separation of church and state
but with a bible clutched fist beat love to death seal its fate
drive some poor couple into hiding fill them with hate
and when the deed is done and the closet door is safely locked once more
who will we turn on next
No wedding bells for the over weight? The poor?

dark


Madness Behind Sane Eyes


The check out girl the insurance man strangers in the street.
All the people you meet each and everyday .
They greet you and smile with a glint in their eyes.
Ever wonder at the madness behind those sane eyes ?
What dark need ?What sick deeds ?
What lives behind sane eyes?
Are you looking at tomorrow's head lines?
breaking on six clock news
Do you see the murder the rage ?
The darkest sexual need? A thief's greed ?
Do you see the abuse?The miss use?
A pimps new girl shaking her money maker?
A drug users death ?A suicidal rage?
In those eyes?
What madness lives behind sane eyes?
He was such a quite person never said a word .
How did she slip between the cracks ? Wasn't anybody watching ?
If we could see what lives behind sane eyes would we
help or run would we hide away in fear?
Would we even care what we saw there?
Or simply smile and greet them with a glint in your eye
Ever catch yourself starring at a refection of your self
in a mirror? Every wonder what lives there ?
What madness behind sane eyes?

dark


No silver no Gold

No silver nor gold
or flowers heavenly scent
baubles and rings or
chocolates sweet flavor
can purchase the love i have come to treasure
your smile your laughter
kisses sweet as honey
your dancing green eyes
fill me with wonder
light and free
or deep with Smokey need
filling my heart setting it free
the warmth of your caress
as my hand finds yours
i wonder at the fragile softness
and of the strength hidden there
no coin can purchase what is freely given
and as long as your gift is mine to hold
ill cherish it with honor
and keep it close to my heart
and offer this day no silver or gold
only my love and desire to hold
you close to warm your soul

dark

[Dinkleberry2010]

some attempts at poetry work; some don't

[nightshifft]

maybe but like i said before iam no writer and i write for myself mostly and i write what i feel and what inspires me to write
like today when i drove over a hour to my Drs for a hormone shot to keep the cancer thats killing me in check only to find out he wouldnt treat me untill i finished paid the over 600.00 for the first one it strike me as very sad that a person has to go with out life saveing treatment because they have become sick and can no longer work you can belive i am writeing about that
and your right some times the subject doesnt lend its self well but i always feel better after writeing and venting a little

dark

[MGK]

these poems astonished me. raw, unpolished but full to the brim with pure emotion. i especially admire the first one.

you are in my thoughts.

[nightshifft]

thank you for the kind words and thoughts if you wish to see more vist my page below
and thank you again

MySpace - Dark - 100 - Male - CITY OF DARKNESS, Ohio - myspace.com/darksdragonden

[tailor STATELY]

dark

all is not bunnies
and sunshine and puppies
and rainbows and kisses
and vistas bright
nor angel's wings
hugging one tight
sometimes it's dark
damn, it's dark
sometimes
dark

:tailor STATELY

[MorpheusSandman]

raw, unpolished but full to the brim with pure emotion.This is the precise thought that came to my mind too.

My only suggestion would be to occasionally be less direct. Worry less about rhymes and concentrate more on rhythm; work in some occasional metaphors and avoid lines that sound more like prose or something you'd say in conversation. That said, there are some real gems in the unpolished slabs of these pieces. I especially liked:

well we all know who did the finale edit on that good book
and like all good works some of the best probably got left on the cutting
room floor
behind some politicians locked door

But it's also a good example of where you should practice SEX (Simplify and EXclude); especially with that second line that's too long. Perhaps something like :

"We know who edited the final Good Book
Like all Good Works the best was left
On the cutting room floor
Behind some politician's locked door"

In this way you create a resonance between "Good Book" and "Good Works" (capitalization on the latter is optional) and you create assonance with "best was left" and the enjambment speeds the reader to the next line which seems to stop at the end but the final line adds an added bite.

These are just some things to think about when you're writing your poems because poetry isn't just about expressing your thoughts but putting them into a form that will provide the greatest effect.

[nightshifft]

dark

all is not bunnies
and sunshine and puppies
and rainbows and kisses
and vistas bright
nor angel's wings
hugging one tight
sometimes it's dark
damn, it's dark
sometimes
dark

:tailor STATELY


i love that