The Hair of the Prophet

[PrinceMyshkin]

The hair of the Prophet
is worshipped by some
whose devotion to him
is deep and strong, but

what about the air
of the Prophet and other
holy men and women, air
that moved through their
mortal lungs and into
yours and mine?

[Taliesin]

Mind you, I was told that statistics shows in every breath one takes, you share some atoms with the last breaths of Caesar, Mohammed, or frankly, almost everyone.

[paperleaves]

How profoundly this piece expresses our fascination with divinity, and brings to mind a quote I recently read from the (ever so notable) Wired magazine, where one man bravely poses the question-- "Is the Messiah truly worth the adversity?" No matter what your response is, baffled, understanding, or offended, it also implies that divinity does not necessarily lie in a body, no, not a hair, not a breath, not a fingernail clipping, but in the soul of the holy. In the believers, in the holy moment, the everlasting truth, faith, and wonder that lies inside all of us.

Enough on that, because this poem is not saying what it says in Wired, but rather it is elegantly telling the reader that you are beautiful, and you are a part of everything. I love it! Thanks for sharing!

love
Kate

[tailor STATELY]

Please don't take my critique as criticism of your poem; as is, your poem is a great read and thought to pass on.

I'm hung up on the word 'rotating'.

lingers/persists/prevails/endures/perseveres/abides/remains/other

How about:
<b>The air if anything is divine <anything's>
was breathed once, tenderly, <deleted 'and'>
on the waters of the deep and
may abide within and
without evermore.</b> ... or something.

If I may wax in a similar vain (sic) [LDS flavoured]:

Divine Breath

O,
how wondrous
to know we may share
the very same aire
issued from the prophets
with the word of God through
His servants of yore and,
yea, prophets evermore

Mine lacks the polish that your poem has,
but will give me something to work on as an homage to your piece.

Thank you for sharing.

[MorpheusSandman]

I love the subtle rhyming connection between "hair" and "air"; between the physical, tangible that we can grasp on to worship and how we miss the things that escape our senses; the metaphysical and intangible. It's very Shakespearean in thought, though as to where he dealt with the divinity of kings you're dealing with prophets. Technically I'm not sure about that final stanza. If anything it just states too obviously and expositionally what the end of the second stanza suggests. I'd recommend deleting or editing it.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I love the subtle rhyming connection between "hair" and "air"; between the physical, tangible that we can grasp on to worship and how we miss the things that escape our senses; the metaphysical and intangible. It's very Shakespearean in thought, though as to where he dealt with the divinity of kings you're dealing with prophets. Technically I'm not sure about that final stanza. If anything it just states too obviously and expositionally what the end of the second stanza suggests. I'd recommend deleting or editing it.

Many thanks, Morph. Check it out now if you please. The operation was performed without anaesthetics.

[Bar22do]

The hair of the Prophet
is worshipped by some
whose devotion to him
is deep and strong, but

what about the air
of the prophet and other
holy men and women, air
that circulated through their
mortal lungs and into
yours and mine?



Taliesin's statistics are probably right, but I think what we breathe in is more a function of our natural or developed affinity with... we breathe in the "holy and wild" as we are "holy and wild" (this is a recollection from Fire's fine "Last Note to Ascendancy" which I know how much you love and which you shared with me enthusiastically some time ago!)...

[PrinceMyshkin]

Mind you, I was told that statistics shows in every breath one takes, you share some atoms with the last breaths of Caesar, Mohammed, or frankly, almost everyone.

Kind of a gruesome thought when one considers how foul a breath some of the historic murderers and villains must have expressed.


How profoundly this piece expresses our fascination with divinity, and brings to mind a quote I recently read from the (ever so notable) Wired magazine, where one man bravely poses the question-- "Is the Messiah truly worth the adversity?" No matter what your response is, baffled, understanding, or offended, it also implies that divinity does not necessarily lie in a body, no, not a hair, not a breath, not a fingernail clipping, but in the soul of the holy. In the believers, in the holy moment, the everlasting truth, faith, and wonder that lies inside all of us.

Enough on that, because this poem is not saying what it says in Wired, but rather it is elegantly telling the reader that you are beautiful, and you are a part of everything. I love it! Thanks for sharing!

love
Kate

I honestly struggle NOT to insinuate or outwardly claim that I am "beautiful" but gracefully accept the compliment as coming from our loving friendship. Thank you.

[MorpheusSandman]

Many thanks, Morph. Check it out now if you please. The operation was performed without anaesthetics.Yeah, I definitely prefer it without the third stanza; I'd be curious to see what others think. LOL@anaesthetics

[qimissung]

I think I agree with Morpeheus; I like this version, and the idea of breathing the sacred air of the prophets.

[firefangled]

This is a compelling thought. But first...

I wondered why the first stanza Prophet is capitalized and the second not. Are you indicating a specific Prophet in the first, thus meaning THE Prophet? I ask because in S2 you equate the prophet with "other holy men and women." For me this has implications for the rhythm in your poem.

The phrase "of the prophet and other/holy men and women" seems to break the rhythm unnecessarily. You seem to be saying all those who are holy includes the prophet, so why not say all those who are holy?

I also think the word moved might serve you better than circulated, since moved through...yours and mine indicates circulated.

It is humbling to think that this finite world requires us to share, regardless of our station, regardless of our willingness in some cases. To meditate on this thought makes for some irony in your poem regarding worship and holiness. Those who are holy also breathe the air of the profane, regardless of their willingness to do so. In the long run, the realm of the finite is as great an equalizer as paradise is professed to be, maybe more so.

Thanks for this, Prince. Very thought provoking, indeed.

[PrinceMyshkin]

This is a compelling thought. But first...

I wondered why the first stanza Prophet is capitalized and the second not. Are you indicating a specific Prophet in the first, thus meaning THE Prophet? I ask because in S2 you equate the prophet with "other holy men and women." For me this has implications for the rhythm in your poem.

Sloppiness on my part, since correcred.


The phrase "of the prophet and other/holy men and women" seems to break the rhythm unnecessarily. You seem to be saying all those who are holy includes the prophet, so why not say all those who are holy?


No, I believe I needed to reiterate a reference to that Prophet, the better to equate him with less recognized men & women


I also think the word moved might serve you better than circulated, since moved through...yours and mine indicates circulated.

I've made that change and noted how it reflects this difference between us, that you will almost always go for the more quiet verb.


It is humbling to think that this finite world requires us to share, regardless of our station, regardless of our willingness in some cases. To meditate on this thought makes for some irony in your poem regarding worship and holiness. Those who are holy also breathe the air of the profane, regardless of their willingness to do so. In the long run, the realm of the finite is as great an equalizer as paradise is professed to be, maybe more so.

Thanks for this, Prince. Very thought provoking, indeed.

Thanks for your comments.

[qimissung]

I hadn't thought of it like that, fire. True, that.

[AuntShecky]

From the bottomless font of useless information: I'm sure you're familiar with the word "afflatus," which means literally, the breath of God into a human being by which the person could share in the act of creation. To bring it literally down to this world, the word also is the root of an earthier term: "flatulence."

Aw, you should know me by now. We kid, we kid -- we kid because we loooovvve.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Taliesin's statistics are probably right, but I think what we breathe in is more a function of our natural or developed affinity with... we breathe in the "holy and wild" as we are "holy and wild" (this is a recollection from Fire's fine "Last Note to Ascendancy" which I know how much you love and which you shared with me enthusiastically some time ago!)...


You are right indeed (and I had in mind to acknowledge this belatedly) that Firefangled's majestic final line was hovering somewhere in the back of my mind as I wrote much of that poem.


Please don't take my critique as criticism of your poem; as is, your poem is a great read and thought to pass on.

I'm hung up on the word 'rotating'.

lingers/persists/prevails/endures/perseveres/abides/remains/other

How about:
<b>The air if anything is divine <anything's>
was breathed once, tenderly, <deleted 'and'>
on the waters of the deep and
may abide within and
without evermore.</b> ... or something.

If I may wax in a similar vain (sic) [LDS flavoured]:

Divine Breath

O,
how wondrous
to know we may share
the very same aire
issued from the prophets
with the word of God through
His servants of yore and,
yea, prophets evermore

Mine lacks the polish that your poem has,
but will give me something to work on as an homage to your piece.

Thank you for sharing.

I don't take offense at all at your rewording of portions of my poem and then using it as a springboard for your own expression on this theme. Have you carried it to what you consider completion?

[tailor STATELY]

I don't take offense at all at your rewording of portions of my poem and then using it as a springboard for your own expression on this theme. Have you carried it to what you consider completion?

No, sigh.

I've gone through a few revisions that I'm still unhappy with. My poetic process is sometimes a long and arduous one. I think that is why I stick to the shorter poetic/prose forms. Last week I went through some of my older personal poems and did minor revisions on them as I beheld the beam in mine own eye.

I think of my creations as seed poems that can always be improved; some even by deletion, lol. I added a codicil on my poetry page the other day to the effect "Note: this is a dynamic document; being such, my words are ever under my scrutiny and subject to edit." I'm even considering editing that notation.

My main concentration lately has been the elucidation of a three word 'poem' I expressed a month ago in the form of feelings and personal revelation which has led me to considerable study and reflection.

I marvel at the creativity, and productivity, shown on this forum by you, and many other poets; and have come to learn much about expression that I hadn't thought possible. And that's why I hang out here, to learn.

[Bar22do]

You are right indeed (and I had in mind to acknowledge this belatedly) that Firefangled's majestic final line was hovering somewhere in the back of my mind as I wrote much of that poem.



The hair of the Prophet
is worshipped by some
whose devotion to him
is deep and strong, but

what about the air
of the prophet and other
holy men and women, air
that circulated through their
mortal lungs and into
yours and mine?


but indeed - what about the air... might that air help your inner being and mine ascend? or have you ever walked, in spring Avila, hoping for one breath of air Theresa, the Marrano, long ago insufflated there and which still lingers, waiting for your lungs to carry it gently back to its source?