You Are My Earth

[Dark Muse]

You Are My Earth

You are my Earth
steady beneath my feet
you carry your own
gravitational pull
that brings me down
into your warm comfort
which does not fail
nor recede
but remains
to sustain me.

As I am like the wind
ill-tempered
without warning
given to bursts of tantrums
unpredictable
sometimes biting cold
through the bones
or an angry hot breath
but on gentle mornings
and winter nights
a whisper in your ear
a reminder
that even when still
always here.

You are vital water
my sustaining nourishment
a cool comfort
ready to embrace
engulfing me
a thousand lapping tongues
welcome me
you alter your course
with the shifting tides
and down beneath
hide the power
which may at a moment
be unleashed
an unstoppable force
but you cradle my falls
and carry me on.

While I burn hot like a fire
devouring destruction
consuming all within my rages
spreading quickly without mercy
swift to ignite I blaze my own path
leaving behind only the ash
but when tempered
I warm you on cold nights
I can build walls of flame around you
against the world and light
your way through the darkness.

You anchor me down
and hold me back
you are the cooling touch
to soothe my wrath
you are the grounding earth
to my unstable winds
you are the rejuvenating waters
to my scorching infernos.

[PrinceMyshkin]

If it were my poem I'd consider deleting all of this

[QUOTE]While I burn hot like a fire
devouring destruction
consuming all within my rages
spreading quickly without mercy
swift to ignite I blaze my own path
leaving behind only the ash
but when tempered
I warm you on cold nights
I can build walls of flame around you
against the world and light
your way through the darkness.

You anchor me down
and hold me back
you are the cooling touch
to soothe my wrath
you are the grounding earth
to my unstable winds
you are the rejuvenating waters
to my scorching infernos.[?QUOTE]

and end with the line just before it where "carry on" has all that you need to carry us, in our imagination, forward with the easy loveliness of all the preceding. The rest, I think, the parts I've cited above, just essentially repeat the essence of what you've said before, like a salesman still extolling his merchandise after the sale has been made.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you for your commetns, I can see your point about the very last stanza, I debated over that, but the fire stanza is important to the essence of this poem becasue it was my intent to capture all 4 of the natural elements.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you for your commetns, I can see your point about the very last stanza, I debated over that, but the fire stanza is important to the essence of this poem becasue it was my intent to capture all 4 of the natural elements.

Oh, I see - about the fire stanza, but I'm not the sort of reader who picks up on those things and keeps a mental account. But without meaning to further criticize that fourth stanza, I would ask Why? What merit is there in covering all 4 bases?

[Dark Muse]

Oh, I see - about the fire stanza, but I'm not the sort of reader who picks up on those things and keeps a mental account. But without meaning to further criticize that fourth stanza, I would ask Why? What merit is there in covering all 4 bases?

There are personal reasons for that which relate to my spiritual beliefs which are at least for me relevant to this poem. This poem was written for a specific individual and we both happen to be Pagan's and the four elements are important to us, and have deep significance, and well I believe that within our relationship both of us are represented by particular elements, and so this poem was meant to capture the symbolic meaning behind the elements that represent certain aspects of our personality and our relationship.

[PrinceMyshkin]

There are personal reasons for that which relate to my spiritual beliefs which are at least for me relevant to this poem. This poem was written for a specific individual and we both happen to be Pagan's and the four elements are important to us, and have deep significance, and well I believe that within our relationship both of us are represented by particular elements, and so this poem was meant to capture the symbolic meaning behind the elements that represent certain aspects of our personality and our relationship.

Ah, I see - and am grateful for the explanation. For me it has always been an interesting negotiation, between what one owes to the aesthetic dimension of the poem, and what one is entitled to assert or retain because it is of personal value to oneself.

[Dinkleberry2010]

I don't think anything needs to be added or taken out of this poem.

I may be mistaken but I think I have read all the poems you have on this site, and I think this is the best poem you have composed that I've read.

I think this is the most unified poem of yours that I've read.

You are quite accomplished at evoking images which are related and connected and which are not merely stated unrelated images. That is something I see a lot in a number of poems. It's almost as if they are simply a catalog of unrelated and unconnected images. But yours are always connected and related.

I still have no idea how you do it, or where your images come from; I wish I did, because it would probably help make me a better poet.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much, I fear, I do not understand how I do it anymore than you do. It just comes naturally I suppose, it is my muse within me that drives me. I simply trust in my instincts to guide me.

[Delta40]

I like how you know your power to protect, love and cherish is caught in the tumult of heat, rage and temper. I feel awed, meek and oddly comforted by your portrayal.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you, I fancy my dearly beloved is vary patient and very brave, becasue I am quick to temper, and am stuborn as an ox. Though to put up with me he has to have his own stubroness to hold his own, he is usually my calming force. He is the reasonable and rational one, I am the impulsive and reactionary one.

[Pendragon]

you carry your own
gravitational pull
that brings me down
into your warm comfort
which does not fail
nor recede
but remains
to sustain me.




Excellent metaphor here, Muse! I like that comparison between love and gravity

[Bar22do]

You Are My Earth

You are my Earth
steady beneath my feet
you carry your own
gravitational pull
that brings me down
into your warm comfort
which does not fail
nor recede
but remains
to sustain me.

As I am like the wind
ill-tempered
without warning
given to bursts of tantrums
unpredictable
sometimes biting cold
through the bones
or an angry hot breath
but on gentle mornings
and winter nights
a whisper in your ear
a reminder
that even when still
always here.

You are vital water
my sustaining nourishment
a cool comfort
ready to embrace
engulfing me
a thousand lapping tongues
welcome me
you alter your course
with the shifting tides
and down beneath
hide the power
which may at a moment
be unleashed
an unstoppable force
but you cradle my falls
and carry me on.

While I burn hot like a fire
devouring destruction
consuming all within my rages
spreading quickly without mercy
swift to ignite I blaze my own path
leaving behind only the ash
but when tempered
I warm you on cold nights
I can build walls of flame around you
against the world and light
your way through the darkness.

You anchor me down
and hold me back
you are the cooling touch
to soothe my wrath
you are the grounding earth
to my unstable winds
you are the rejuvenating waters
to my scorching infernos.

I read and re-read your poem, I love it, as I am touched by the beauty of the complementarity between the two lovers and by so much passion... thank you! it reads beautifully.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!

[firefangled]

I like this for its variations. Though they don't take anything from the enjoyment of reading, there are a couple places where you could eliminate a word to put more force behind the one you leave, such as (take out italicized) "burst of tantrums," "anchor me down."

Whereas I understand your reasoning with wanting to include all four of the elements, I agree with Prince in part. I would leave out the last stanza summation and switch the stanzas for fire and water, making water the last. "...but you cradle my falls and carry me on" is a powerful image, wonderfully worded and is amazingly suitable to capture your intentions with everything that has gone before it. IMHO it says everything contained in your current summation stanza.

Almost any fiction (prose or poetry) will assume control of what should be said where. The trick for the author is to let go without abdicating. I don't sail, but I imagine it is much the same. You can't control the wind, only how you deal with it. What you set out to do with your mind may be countermanded by your soul to such a degree that change is immanent.

I enjoy your poetry Muse. I hope you don't mind the constructive criticism.

[Father]

Dark;
this is complex without being complicated
sad without loss of hope...
excellent workmanship!

[paperleaves]

Your images are strong and graceful, not only breathtaking but terrific at some points--because at moments, I felt so close to abandoning all this technology and dashing to the woods in hopes of pure escape to my Mother Earth!