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free
01-03-2010, 03:22 PM
Whenever I touch your paper body
decorated with your beautiful soul
it makes me pregnant
with poems.

Is it because you are
the only living poet
whom I had fallen in love with
before his fame was born?
Buh4Bee
01-03-2010, 03:55 PM
lovely and sweet
tailor STATELY
01-05-2010, 03:42 PM
"before his fame was born?"

I mused to substitute 'fame' with 'flame' as a counter to your 'paper body'; but then my interpretation of your poem turned to ashes before me as I realized you would have been consumed as well.

Well done.
PrinceMyshkin
01-05-2010, 04:18 PM
You might want to consider changing "who" in the second verse to "whom." Otherwise how free and sweet this is!
free
01-05-2010, 05:24 PM
lovely and sweet

Thanks. It is sweet, indeed. I don't mean my poem, but the feeling that certain poems arouse in me when I read them.
free
01-05-2010, 05:28 PM
"before his fame was born?"

I mused to substitute 'fame' with 'flame' as a counter to your 'paper body'; but then my interpretation of your poem turned to ashes before me as I realized you would have been consumed as well.

Well done.

Thank you. The beauty of poetry is in the fact that you can play with words and whenever you replace just one crucial word for another you change the entire meaning of the poem.
free
01-05-2010, 05:31 PM
You might want to consider changing "who" in the second verse to "whom." Otherwise how free and sweet this is!

I've changed the word, thanks for your correction and compliments.
free
01-05-2010, 05:36 PM
Your thin little book of poems
I read more slowly
than a heavy and ponderous
philosophic text.

Is it because in these verses,
shamelessly denuding yours,
you penetrate passionately
into my loneliness,
and force me to fight-back
trying to retain it
hidden in secrecy?
Dinkleberry2010
01-06-2010, 11:06 AM
Your two poems say more in nineteen lines than many poems say in a hundred and nineteen. Your concisness is so refreshing.
toni
01-06-2010, 11:34 AM
I cannot, for the life of me, decide which of the two poems are better. Both are poignant and beautifully written.
I'll look out for you from now on. :)
Buh4Bee
01-06-2010, 06:05 PM
Free, I agree with all the above.
NewY0rkGiRl4eVa
01-06-2010, 06:12 PM
aww nice sharing...