When True Night Falls…

[Father]

When True Night Falls…

Cry freedom with a feral heart
Lay teeth to the flesh that holds you
Rend the bonds of your mortal soul
Shed the Veil of Day to breakthrough

Travel with speed beneath the moon
To the Forest of Black Water Pools
Sleep in the Hall of the Mountain King
And dream of The One that rules

Wait for me there but do not despair
For the comfort of darkness is with me
I will blot the Sun with the Soul of the Night
And sever the blood that binds thee

For I am as old as your rebirth is new
And thus freed from The Demon Wall
At the end of days of the Tormented Sun
We’ll dwell forever when true night falls

[Dinkleberry2010]

The only reason I responded to this is the fact that no one else had responded. I must tell you that your poem made absolutely no sense to me. I didn't understand it in the least, and it certainly didn't move me in any way. With that said, I have to say that I think that your poem is too personal. It involves something between you and someone else that we--the readers--cannot comprehend--much less appreciate. You need to be more objective. That would help a lot.

[Father]

The only reason I responded to this is the fact that no one else had responded. I must tell you that your poem made absolutely no sense to me. I didn't understand it in the least, and it certainly didn't move me in any way. With that said, I have to say that I think that your poem is too personal. It involves something between you and someone else that we--the readers--cannot comprehend--much less appreciate. You need to be more objective. That would help a lot.

Thank you Jermac for "responding when no one else had" I am humbled that you would deign to do so, especially considering how much it so obviously pained you to. However, if you would be so kind as to allow me, I would like to address your (for lack of a more apropos term) "constructive" criticisms.

1- "The only reason I responded to this is the fact that no one else had responded."
Forgive me, but I do not see how this is relevant to a critique, (if that was indeed your intention) and I hope that it was not meant to be construed as so openly hostile as it seems when it is taken at face value.

2- "I must tell you that your poem made absolutely no sense to me."
Fair enough. Gross abstraction of imagery and content is not for everyone, and this is certainly not the first time I've heard that! :)

3- "I didn't understand it in the least, and it certainly didn't move me in any way."
Again fair enough. But judging by the vehemence (or complete disdain?) with which you responded to it, it obviously has moved you albeit in a very negative way.

4- "With that said, I have to say that I think that your poem is too personal. It involves something between you and someone else that we--the readers--cannot comprehend--much less appreciate."
I am sorry but this is a work of pure fiction inspired by a book of the same name by C.J.Cherry. However, regardless of its inspiration, it is by its own merit a dark love story of sorts and so I guess that yes between the two characters in the poem it is personal. You seem to have caught on to that aspect despite your words to the contrary. :D

5- "You need to be more objective. That would help a lot."
lol Yes... I know what you mean!

Jermac, I am new to this forum but I am not new to writing/reviewing, giving/receiving critiques.
You bluntly offer many criticisms but offer nothing truly constructive or useful to the author in return.
I ask you in all honesty, if you really dislike something that much and have no intention of helping someone to learn and grow in this craft why even bother? Did you simply need to vent?

Best regards,
Father

[Lumiere]

Travel with speed beneath the moon
To the Forest of Black Water Pools
Sleep in the Hall of the Mountain King
And dream of The One that rules

I don't pretend to understand the full intended meaning of this poem, (although to me, it does make sense in a vague, abstract, other-world sort of way), but I really love this stanza for purely aesthetic reasons. It's beautiful and mysterious and full of adventure. It makes me want to run away from everything that's familiar. Worth putting to memory.

[nightshifft]

i am very new to this forum and never saw the poem but i have read it now and i liked it and as new as i am at writeing i would not dare to critique anybodys work english was my poorest subject as most of you can probley tell and i never gave any thought to writeing anything till a year ago or so when i learned i was diying from cancer but i dont belive that matters what matters is that i have something i wanted to say and my stuff is very personal to me as each persons here should be and it offers a window into their heart and soul

dark

[Dinkleberry2010]

I must ask you, Father, why did my post make you so angry? My post was objective and impersonal; it was about your poem, it wasn't about you. It wasn't a personal attack, but you took it personally. I told you my opinion about the poem you composed, but you chose to see it as a personal attack upon yourself.

[Father]

@ Lumiere- Thank you and I am glad you enjoyed it. It is indeed a far flung fantasy no doubt!

@ nightshifft- Thank you for commenting. And yes I agree with you in that poetry should come from the deepest heart of ourselves. I saddens me when poets seem to focus more on stylistic form and technique than the emotional content of the piece, although I am an admirer of those who possess that ability as well, for either way it is a hard thing to master form and technique just as it is hard to bare our souls to strangers no matter the form.

@ Jermac- Again I must apologize if I seemed to come off that way. But no I did not take it personally because we simply do not know each other. I just felt that in light of your comments perhaps I should give further background to the piece and at the same time respond to each of your statements. (Also, by using the smiley things I thought that would alleviate any aspects of confrontation between us caused by my responses and by making it somewhat humorous. Alas, it seems I failed in that.)
Nevertheless, I hope that clears things up a bit and thank you for responding again!

[Buh4Bee]

Really? I saw this as a come hither my dear, poem... I'm dracula.. wahahahah!

The character id being called forth to join me in death or the forces of darkness. How seductive.

[Father]

Really? I saw this as a come hither my dear, poem... I'm dracula.. wahahahah!

The character id being called forth to join me in death or the forces of darkness. How seductive.

Yes, you have its essence very well.
I enjoy the contrast of the devil in love or angels with bad intentions.
The possibilities are endless. ;)

[Buh4Bee]

oh, very true, who doesn't?