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RavenDawn32
01-02-2010, 02:40 AM
The crowd are but dogs, flee-bitten curs howling for the scraps from their master's table.
They are baying for blood, a thousand fearful sheep roaring for the death of a lion.

He will not oblige them, this I know. He will not let it be.

He stands proud in the sunlight, fearless and beautiful. He cannot die. The world will not let him, for it knows it would be a lesser place without him in it.
He speaks, and he speaks well, and I am waiting for the moment when he will escape. Waiting for the clouds to part and the gods themselves to reach out and rescue him.
Waiting for the pardon that the king himself should give on bended knee. He is glorious today, as he stands before the rope, as his eyes seek mine out and find me in the crowd.
He looks at me, and smiles. He is crying.

The snap as the rope pulles taut calms the crowd for one long moment, silence falling as they still to watch the dead man's final jig.
They roar.

But their screams are nothing to me, the annoying buzz of a fly against the shutters.
I am deaf to the bells that sing the death knell out across the city, and I do not see stones and rotten fruit fly true.
The corpse still swaying gently in the breeze.
For I am consumed, and a hate once so hot and fiercely burning turns to frozen fire in my veins.
So I watch, and I listen, and I build a wall of ice around my heart.
The words I hear so clearly in my head, pause, half-uttered on my lips "He was not meant to die".
No. He was not meant to die.

A thousand fearful sheep were roaring for the death of a lion, they roared for the death of a lion, and the lion bleated back.

giventofly
01-02-2010, 05:02 PM
hey raven- I think this is a beautiful piece. There are a couple of parts that I get sort of hung up on... maybe don't fit with the flow of the piece as well as they could. I don't particularly care for the "gods themselves" and "king himself" parallelism. I would not do it twice. Also, "the corpse still swaying gently in the breeze." It's a good line, but it seems out of place between the two lines before it and the one after it. "For I am consumed..." seems like it would be better as the third line of that paragraph. The first two lines transition better into this than the way it is. Just some food for thought. Good work!

Dinkleberry2010
01-02-2010, 07:39 PM
RavenDawn, I would say this is a prose poem more than it is a short story. There are some fascinating images contained in it. But despite the clear vivid images, there is a mysterious quality about it, almost like seeing something out of the corner of your eye.

Lumiere
01-03-2010, 02:49 AM
Powerful imagery. I love the first paragraph. I read it a few times over.