Who Is Dinkleberry and Why Is He Writing Those Horrible Things About Me?

[Dinkleberry2010]

xxxxx

[Alexander III]

A lovely piece in my somber opinion, the sense of emerging paranoia of Dinkleberry worming his way into your house was particularly good.

[Lumiere]

I had been meaning to read this ever since it was posted but for whatever reason, didn't get around to it until tonight. The title seemed, to me, rather promising and interesting. I was not disappointed in this suspicion. I enjoyed it very much. I felt a escalating sense of panic as the story progressed. I would've liked it to be more in depth and detailed; longer in general. I say this because it was very good, and when I taste a very good thing, I naturally crave more. Also, towards the end, when you are speculating on where you might find Dinkleberry next, (writing on the wall or the bathroom mirror), I think you could make it even more chilling than it was. When I was coming to that particular part, I had this growing sense that a haunting ending was in coming, and although it was indeed haunting, I think you could have done more there to enhance the effect. It felt like it was just a hair, a single hair short of those endings that leave you wide eyed and slightly short of breath.
All in all, I really like it. Very fascinating, eerie, and original idea. I would like to read more along these lines.

[Lyn05]

I found this piece interesting. I hope you'll let us know more about Dinkleberry soon!

[Dinkleberry2010]

I have an urge to make the ending horrific; I would need to go back however and build it up more and bring in more detail.

[neilgee]

As I was first reading this because there's no name changes and I saw it on New Posts I didn't realise it was a piece of creative writing and I thought this was really happening to you. I'm abit embarrassed by that now.

Erm, yes, very Kafkaesque.

[Lumiere]

I have an urge to make the ending horrific; I would need to go back however and build it up more and bring in more detail.

:nod: Do, do! It has so much potential for a horrific ending! (So much potential in general as a story.)

[wlz]

"I don’t know how it’s going to end.

Will I come home from work and find this Dinkleberry in my house, drawing a message on the wall? Will I wake up and find Dinkleberry spray-painting a message on my bedroom mirror?

I picture him, turning to me, grinning, tipping his hat, and whooshing—disappearing in a cloud of green mist."

Jermac, I enjoyed your writing. It's an interesting idea - potentially gripping. Forgive me if I sound too instructive but, as I have been told in the distant past by many an author, editor and publisher: "show don't tell". The above text I quoted seems to me the point for climax in this intense and paranoia(?)-building episode of horror. Dig deep down and root about in the central character's heart and mind to illustrate more of his fears which by turns are first settled in the cold light of day and then realised in the dead silence of night or early morning. That is, if you intend on it being a horror...? The text has much potential: dark comedy? horror mixed with comedy? It brought back memories to me of reading Poe's William Wilson when I was much younger. Thank you.

[Dinkleberry2010]

I think part of my problem with "...Dinkleberry..." is that I am not sure what kind of ending I want the story to have. Should I have a horrific ending? Should I have a comedic/ironic ending? I need to figure out and decide what kind of ending I want.

[wlz]

Well, Jermac, I am a long-standing horror film fan! No point telling you my opinion on what kind of ending I think you should have in your story. I would prefer to read horror.

[Buh4Bee]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

I don't know how this one got passed me.

:thumbs_up

[ozhansean]

I like this story very much. Very creative.

First off a couple things I think you could change if you wish to:
1)I think you can omit "people are reading those messages" since "because the messages are in public" already explains it.

2)"taped to my mailbox, was a message: Jermac is a jerk. And it was signed Dinkleberry. And this morning when I got home"
Those two "Ands" dont sound very nice after one another why dont you write it like this:
"taped to my mailbox, was a message: Jermac is a jerk; signed Dinkleberry. And this morning when I got home"

And about the ending if I dare venture, may be, as you said at the very end, you do actually have a problem. You wrote all those things yourself!!!???

[Dinkleberry2010]

It is interesting that you say or suggest that after all it is I who have written the messages. I have thought about that as an ending to the story. But the problem with that is I think it has already been done. I have read a number of stories wherein the narrator is essentially crazy, and deludes himself and thinks he is deluding the reader, and he commits certain acts that he is largely unaware of and he attributes them to someone else.

If I can't decide how I want to end the story I may end writing it that way anyway.

[DrIngram3]

I appreciated the building panic in the characters voice. It is a good piece of work. It almost seems to me like a Jekyll and Hyde story, like he is posting and painting this stuff himself and not even knowing it. Maybe a split personality. Can't wait to see how you end it.

[LeavesOfGrass]

Wow. Utterly speechless. It's like John Dos Passos reincarnated. The prose you've used is spectacular, and very much original. Propers!