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timelinezero
12-30-2009, 02:08 PM
Tunneling through, I've dug in, the rain slants in, wintering, weathering, my clothes drenched, wrenching-writhing, inside, all in time with the waltzing waters pooled together beneath me, beat, and tarred, and feathered, alive in the trenches

Remember when...? That never happened.
I walked in, and by walk I mean I dreamed, of the fates weaving me a warning
should have felt it melt, a ball of wax, wet and running out of your chest
and ink pressed on paper, with the stare of a stranger glancing over your shoulder
you've bitten down, and burst the pen

"Now, what color were you before?"

And once more there's a scaly feeling taring at the recess of my throat
autumn notes fill the loose leaves, and book sleeves remind me only of you
and everyday you spit and strain, through dendrite delusions, and synapse bursting symphonies of subterfuge in your brain
in attempt to remember the lines, and shape of her face
breath pulses against the pane, the paint chipped windowsill, one eye staring down the winters whitest wind, and like a thief in the night, a pale horse rides, to catch us unawares again
Always so unawares...

"Things look swell, things look great, Gonna have the whole world on a plate. Starting here, starting now Honey, everything's coming up roses."

PrinceMyshkin
12-31-2009, 02:56 PM
I love the freedom you employ with your line-breaks, as if you were saying to hell with the rules!

Dinkleberry2010
12-31-2009, 10:16 PM
This is just my opinion, and as the old saying goes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion: There are poems, and then there are prose poems. They are not the same. What you have written is a prose poem. I think some of the lines in what you have written are too long and should be broken up. I think some of the images in what you have written are unique and distinctive and quite powerful. I find that what you have written is disconnected and is not unified.

And all this is of course just my opinion.

timelinezero
01-05-2010, 09:58 AM
I completely agree with you Jer, this was an attempt to take stream of conscience writing, and add some cohesiveness between the tangled fragments. The product of a night frantically trying to write myself out of a scatterbrained prison.

Thanks for the reply,

~Dharma Burlett

Bar22do
01-05-2010, 10:23 AM
dear me! it is a love waterfall, free and gorgeous! intense, splendid - I love it!

PrinceMyshkin
01-05-2010, 12:23 PM
I completely agree with you Jer, this was an attempt to take stream of conscience writing, and add some cohesiveness between the tangled fragments. The product of a night frantically trying to write myself out of a scatterbrained prison.

Thanks for the reply,

~Dharma Burlett

But may I salute you both for the frankness of your reply and primarily for the effort to "write myself out of a scatterbrained prison". Bear in mind Yeats' immortal words: "Out of our quarrels with others, we make rhetoric. Out of our quarrels with ourselves, we make poetry."

timelinezero
01-06-2010, 01:50 AM
dear me! it is a love waterfall, free and gorgeous! intense, splendid - I love it!

Thanks Bar22do, love waterfalls are the best kind!

timelinezero
01-06-2010, 01:59 AM
But may I salute you both for the frankness of your reply and primarily for the effort to "write myself out of a scatterbrained prison". Bear in mind Yeats' immortal words: "Out of our quarrels with others, we make rhetoric. Out of our quarrels with ourselves, we make poetry."
That has always been one of my favorite quotes, not only because I happen to be related to him, but because it identifies some inclining inside of us all that's undeniable.

P.S.
Sorry for the double replies.