smile

[Free Falcon]

The colors of the dawn
The fragrance of roses
The magic of the elves
The clarity of the shines
The fortune of the universe
The………
Pardon me dear
Nothing is to be compared
To your divine smile

[Dinkleberry2010]

The sentiment of this is nice, but the statements are too general. For example, you say "The colors of the dawn," and "the fragrance of roses." Why not give suggestions of the colors of the dawn and the fragrance of roses. Instead of making general statements, make specific suggestive images.

[Roger100]

The colors of the dawn
The fragrance of roses
The magic of the elves
The clarity of the shines
The fortune of the universe
The………
Pardon me dear
Nothing is to be compared
To your divine smile

I am not really sure how I would write this poem, but I agree with Jermac that especially the first part is too general. I do not believe the rupture after "The ..." is really unexptected, but I find it less poetical as the starting verses.

Roger

[Free Falcon]

The sentiment of this is nice, but the statements are too general. For example, you say "The colors of the dawn," and "the fragrance of roses." Why not give suggestions of the colors of the dawn and the fragrance of roses. Instead of making general statements, make specific suggestive images.


Thank you Jermc
I appreciate your opinion
English is not my mother tongue language...but i am trying to improve it ..i mean mean my poetic english
So your notes are highly appreciated
Thanks alot
I hope you may read my next poetry

[Free Falcon]

I am not really sure how I would write this poem, but I agree with Jermac that especially the first part is too general. I do not believe the rupture after "The ..." is really unexptected, but I find it less poetical as the starting verses.

Roger
Thank you Riger100
Your view is highly appreciated
Keep reading my works and keep writing valuable notes
All the best

[Buh4Bee]

Free Falcon- I enjoyed your poem for what it is.