Couldnt sleep

[jat-balwal]

simplicity has found me
it sat as the shadow
within all my dreams
laughing at my mind

The vine has caught me,
so has the wheat.
it claws at my insides
and tangles my feet

my hammartia is done
there will be no catharsis.
you are left on the edge of a cliff
forcing all your weight to the front

all of me is clean
all except my
liver and lungs
the effect is yet to be seen

simplicity is only here
as it knows the vine
and makes love with the wheat
an uninvited guest

and in my final stages
i am thrown by complexity
that reminds how hard it is
to stand, to walk, to talk

i am in a false awakening,
left on loop, it insults me
with its lucidity
and warns me of waking

but i still do so
i wake and find
my head smashed,
from the inside out

there is a fire
in my belly,
that threatens to rise
and encroach upon my lips.

the cycle ends,
but is born again.
waiting for occasion,
and vineyard invasion.

thanks for reading

[D.Rose]

Nice and smooth to read, is 'Couldnt Sleep' the name of the poem?

[jat-balwal]

nah, i just couldnt sleep so i wrote this :p

but tbh it does sound like a good title, especially with the dream references

[Buh4Bee]

I'm not sure if I understand the full depth of the meaning of your poem, but I did enjoy it. I think it is too early for me. But I wanted to say that it reminds me of Siddhartha. I am slowly reading this. I like how you play with the themes of simple consciousness.

[jat-balwal]

thank you very much for your comments ^_^

jersea, what do you mean by it being too early?

[Buh4Bee]

I'm a teacher and I am on break, so I have been sleeping later and going to bed later. Plus I'm 7 months pregnant, big and bloated. So getting up is a bit of an ordeal.

[MorpheusSandman]

I think the above "smooth" critique is right on the money. It has a simplicity in its language, lines, and structures that belies a deeper complexity. It's easy to read, but more of a challenge to comprehend. Very nice.

[jat-balwal]

thanks for all your messages, congratulations to you jersea :)
i actually wanted to put a reference to Sandman but i havent actually read it :p

[MorpheusSandman]

Definitely make it a point to read it. I wrote a short epic poem based on it. Truly one of the great modern works of alternative art. Read it in the 4-Volume Absolute Editions if possible; they are stunning.

[Buh4Bee]

Well, upon waking up, the poem seems to evoke some kind of addiction and/or cancer. Happy reading.

[Lumiere]

I quite like it. It feels good, relieving to read. I don't know why.

[xiangcaili1976]

nice poem and nice comments,communicating by means of dropping message is the interaction of the different minds.:D

[Bar22do]

Your poem shows wo well the vicious circle... it spoke to me personally - I am "renowned" as an insomniac!

[PrinceMyshkin]

I can only hope this is not a factual account of your health situation, but how courageously and eloquently you present it.

[jat-balwal]

no, my insomnia is not so severe, but its still good inspiration ^_^

[skib]

To me, it speaks loud and clear. I don't know if I'm interpreting it correctly, but your descriptions ring a bell on several certain unhealthy habits. :D Well done!

[jat-balwal]

the beauty of literature for me is that it can be interpreted in many ways, you found several unhealthy habits, but i was thinking of two, if there are more, could you list them?:D

[skib]

Well, the most obvious to me were the mention of the liver and lungs (also the suffering parts of my body) that would indicate drinkin' a little drink and smokin' a little smoke. ;) I'll have to go back and look again. I'm sure I missed a few things.

[jat-balwal]

Well, the most obvious to me were the mention of the liver and lungs (also the suffering parts of my body) that would indicate drinkin' a little drink and smokin' a little smoke. ;) I'll have to go back and look again. I'm sure I missed a few things.

spot on :)