Life after the Moon

[SleepyWitch]

Life after the Moon

They interviewed Buzz Aldrin in the paper.
He said some lives have a before and after:
life after that novel, life after love,
or life after the moon.
What he forgot was life after a should-be-friendship,
a story that ended before it began.
After a "Keep me posted" and "See you soon",
one day outside your office and back to
"Best wishes" the next.
Life after you blandly said you were my lover
and taught me not to look back.
Long after dreams of trains should have warned me
that life after you would be fun:
new people, wine and Spanish vocab.
Now I realize that I cannot re-create in me
your stoical beauty, your other-sphere smile or
the way you frown when you cross the road.
And when I listen for that place where I could feel you
I know that life after is longer than before.







(mods: I posted this in "write a really weird poem", as well, but I'd like some feedback, sorry for the double post)

[PrinceMyshkin]

It's engrossing all the way through, intelligent and deeply felt, but that last line just lifts it to a higher sphere!

[SleepyWitch]

thank you PM, your feedback is always appreciated.

long time no see, by the way :)

[Pensive]

Very moving, Witch.

[Virgil]

Very good Sleepy. I really liked the openning:


They interviewed Buzz Aldrin in the paper.
He said some lives have a before and after:
life after that novel, life after love,
or life after the moon.
I love the rhythm of that.

[MorpheusSandman]

+1 to what Prince said. A really great read.

[SleepyWitch]

thanks Pensive, Virgil and Morpheus

[Bar22do]

I can only add mine, to the preceding expression of approval and deep respect for this so beautiful and restrained a poem... which I read and re-read as if I were going down the stairs into that "longer after" already... moved and pensive... thank you for this experience, however poignant. I will keep your poem in my chosen poems' file!

[SleepyWitch]

wow, Bar22do thanks for your feedback. I'm glad you said it comes across as restrained, because that is exactly what I wanted to achieve but normally I go over the top and my poems sound more clichéd or forceful than they are meant to.

[Bar22do]

wow, Bar22do thanks for your feedback. I'm glad you said it comes across as restrained, because that is exactly what I wanted to achieve but normally I go over the top and my poems sound more clichéd or forceful than they are meant to.

restrained and genuine, no trace of cliché in it!