Brute

[Captain_Kuchiki]

Brute

Heavy, wheezing breaths drawn past yellowed teeth
and cracked, thick lips.
Bloodshot hungry eyes stare angrily
At a confusing, uncaring world.
Shoddy armor clanks and animal skin boots rustle as
The brute crunches the dirt under his feet,
staking it out in the wilds.
His voice, a hard, mean ax on his back,
His tongue, the sharpened edge of that blunt tool.
His hands, the toughened fingers and claws at the ends of his arms.
His feet, booted pile drivers that plod onwards.
He is the Brute.

Watch him as he goes
From here to there, and over there
Where is he going? He doesn't know
Maybe where bountiful game rustle in the leaves
To filll his rumbling stomach.
Maybe to the stream, to drink noisily from water scooped in his palms
Or to his mountain den, where he may rest his head and slumber,
His snores like wet thunder in the stony confines.

He knows no reason.
He doesn't know art or science or civilized life.
He is the brute and can survive. That's all he knows.
And that's all he wants to know.

[hack]

Aye Captain,
It is a good write. I think I smell the brute.
His furtive pacing, makes a rough grating
sound and the crunch of his approaching
stride makes me nestle close inside my
hidey-hole. I hope I do not smell as strong
to him or I may be done.
Hack

[MorpheusSandman]

I think the descriptive metaphors in the first stanzas are the highlight of the piece. I think the 2nd and 3rd stanza suffers from being too direct and I would've put "snores like wet thunder" with the 1st stanza. I also think you can remove "he is the brute" from the first stanza since that's obvious to the reader. I think there would be ways to evoke his aimlessness, lack of culture, etc. by simply developing the descriptive/metaphor mode of the first stanza that would make the piece better.

[Captain_Kuchiki]

Lol hack, that's a good extra bit to add, as a way to make the brute intimidating to smaller people like us and evoke the more menacing and powerful aspect of him.