The Happy Demise Of Hidy The Clown

[Dinkleberry2010]

xxzxxx

[youknowmewes]

This was amazing, I was really drawn in. The use of dialog left me having to back track a couple of times, with the use of quotations but not citing the person saying, replying, and that sorta ordeal if your eyes wander and skip a line your at an assumption or loss of who's speaking, but I also think that it's simplicity was worth the risk of losing track.
The suicide of Hidy was very predictable, but in the end of the story I was left with a very satisfied feeling.

Great Job I enjoyed the story and hope to read more from you.

[Steven Hunley]

I liked this one a lot. It was philosophical but not down-beat, considering the subject matter. The sense of circus seemed to be not so much imagined as remembered. Good.

[ozhansean]

I read this twice... And I liked it...Its a great story,but you already know that so I am going to get down and see what I think you can do to better convey the story.

1) It is great to not name every quotation, it breaks the rhythm. But like youknowmewes mentioned sometimes it was hard to tell who was speaking, and I had to backtrack. I think if you build a stronger character for your protagonist then it may be more predictable as to who is saying what, since we would know him better.

2) The first line divulges that this story is based on a circus setting and I was imminently drawn in. I loved the idea of using an environment that is so flexible. A circus is a world of its own, almost derailed from reality, so much leverage for the narrator. But as I read on I didn't feel like you capitalized on that as much as you could. Obviously that's a personal preference.

3) Okay this one is totally suggestive, something to think about;
What if you started closer to the end. Something along the lines of your protagonist loosing it and beating the hell out of Young Young, and taking it from there. It might give an opportunity to say more about Young Young, Hidy and the protagonist without loosing the reader, and you would not have to go on after the death of Hidy.

All thoughts, the story is great, and I would read it again. Its your story and you can say it however you wish.

Good job.

[Dinkleberry2010]

Thank you for your comments. Steven Hunley, you are right when you say the sense of circus seemed to be not so much imagined as remembered, for the fact is I was in a circus one time for about a year.

[sjsuismylife]

Wow, after you commented on my story, I looked you up and read this. I felt like I was a visitor to the dark underbelly of the circus. My friends say that they like my stories, but that I also would benefit from character development. Your characterization of Hiddy has given me inspiration to view my characters as real people, with their own personalities. Even though the title foreshadowed the eventual ending, as did mine to some extent, I was totally enthralled with what you were trying to say through your tale. I thoroughly enjoyed it and it is an honor to hear you call my story top shelf.

Thanks again

[Dinkleberry2010]

thank you for reading it

[Steven Hunley]

You can see by the responses there's some interest in this. The circus is show biz, the zoo, the gypsy life-style rolled into one. It's becoming rarer and and rarer in the States. For these reasons you might consider it a gold mine. If not, then certainly a rich vein. Billy Wilder was a journalist in Austria I think, and a good writer as well. He saw the humor and pathos in life. I'd mine this genre a little deeper if I were you. I think it would pay off. Good luck.

[Dinkleberry2010]

I've written other things about the circus--some poems, some articles, and other stories. It's just that in my opinion "...Hidy The Clown" is the best thing I've written about the circus.
a sidenote: what you say about the circus becoming rarer in the U.S. is true. The circus that I was in is the largest five-ring traveling animal circus with a big top in the U.S. Ringling Brothers no longer has a big top--they perform in arenas and coliseums and stadiums, etc.

[Dinkleberry2010]

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