and I can

[paperleaves]

sense it,
the distance, the rejection
like a fever.
coming to your senses, you replicate
the movements, the tongue-in-cheek,
subtle reciprocated patterns
as she says that she is
crazy about you
and like the sunken feeling
after making love for hours on end
you decide to tell her.
float her down lightly, for she is a feather
fragile and dangling between your sticky fingers.
falling from the pedestal you praised her on,
the goddess, immortal in your memory
but not in your bed
relapses, withdrawls,
slithering into the mysterious recesses of doubt
that haunt the bold and the beautiful.
like a wounded doe, the wide-eyed, slow cascade
of her
once strong form retaliates
at first with a slow digestion of your purpose, and finally the gulp
of bitter poison that bleaches all of the hazy scenes
of warm, sunny futures
in the parlor, morning coffee, reciting shakespeare
for the garden.
and you slowly, slowly wade in the deep waters of the moment
drenched with pleasure, you've
done it again, baby
you've sentenced another one
of your beautiful suitors
to endure the wrath of the hand of love.
and with one
final
thrust
you pull out your will to
let me down lightly
and my skin shreds into
a million little pieces, each to be trampled by the gods
only to be glued together again

[PrinceMyshkin]

I adore this:


the rejection
like a fever.

and am moved by so much of it but frankly I would end here:


and with one
final
thrust
you pull out your will to
let me down lightly

Because, of course, that "lightly" is poignantly ironic and everything after it is sort of redundant.

The whole of which reminds me of something a friend of mine once said: "It's difficult to understand why one is not deeply understood in return" in which, I believe, one can hear the attempt at adult comprehension ("It's difficult to understand") but not very far below it the wail of the infant whose mother's breast is not there when required, kicking her feet furiously and going wah-wah-wah!

[hack]

Paper,
It is lovely, and heartbreaking.
Hack

[~Sophia~]

And as I read I couldn't help but think "Oh, you too were once in love with a narcissistic poet! I'm sorry".

Another scorcher paperleaves!

[Buh4Bee]

Sophia,:lol::lol::lol:

Haven't we few had the pleasure! I have literally dated one of those.:(

I always love Prince's comments. I second whatever he says. But really I enjoyed this. You are a true poet, one that I admire.

[MorpheusSandman]

Prince's criticism/suggestion was the first thing that came to mind when I finished the piece; apart from the irony he mentioned it also echoes the earlier metaphor about the feather. This, perhaps, isn't one of my favorite pieces from you, though I love it in parts; I think it's a bit "baggy" and seems to meander at times. I read it over again and while I struggled to make concrete suggestions on what could be eliminated or changed I think it might have been better to reduce it to a few key metaphors and eliminate the rest.

[paperleaves]

thank you all. as you can tell this piece is scatterbrained. I wrote this after my heart was broken by, yes, what you may call a narcissistic poet. Ah, the frequent and undying pains of love!
Thank you, Jer :),hack, Sophia, jersea, and as always, Morpheus, your complete honesty and feedback. I do agree that if I were to ever edit this poem, there are parts I would cut out, but this is precisely what was flowing through my poetic veins at 2 a.m.
And Jer, thank you for adding that comment about ending sooner, i agree it would have been better without the last few lines.

love
Kate


more to come :)

[qimissung]

I like it. It doesn't wander so much as meander and it makes it's way back to the beginning as all poems shuld. I would also trim the last few lines.

[dibyendra]

Ah, this poem is really marvelously written! Loved it!

[Bar22do]

A real catharsis, Paper, but your poetry makes it much more than that. I agree with Prince, Morpheus (although your end is a promise you'll pull yourself together, no matter what) and was particularly moved by to me powerful:

"you've sentenced another one
of your beautiful suitors
to endure the wrath of the hand of love."

Let the New Year make you run into a selfless devoted guy (not a poet, preferably!:)) with whom to discover beautiful dimensions you have never dreamt of before and that "will bleach all the hazy scenes" of your recent experience...

[paperleaves]

Dear heavens, Bar, I needed that comment. Thank you, and forgive me if you are offended or thrown off by this, but I love you for it.


Sincerely
Kate

[Bar22do]

Dear heavens, Bar, I needed that comment. Thank you, and forgive me if you are offended or thrown off by this, but I love you for it.


Sincerely
Kate

But Kate, I am touched, not offended!, and I love you too, always eager to read you, your poetry often reaches nuclei of the personal, where it actually reflects universal troubles of the soul which we all know... and your frankness laces with transparency...

[Buh4Bee]

On know, Bar maybe another poet... you better watch out Paper. Ahhahaha! (witch's cackle).

[paperleaves]

Hahaha, jersea, I do have bad luck with poets! wink



Bar, thank you so much, you are so sweet, and I hope perhaps to get to know you better, because your poetry touches me as well! Ah, the quiet intrigue the poet carries when realizing, in fact, there are others in the world that appreciate what they do!