The charming wizard

[cute angel]

Hello,

I WROTE THIS poem about the sea during summer holidays hope you'll enjoy it.

any critics are heighly appreciated,

NB:this poem is a personification.

here it is

ChaRming Wizard


So beautiful in vision


Chaining your heart with no reason


Bewitching your eyes each season



when you look at him you hear


Faint whispers yet so near


Inviting you to join with no fear


you may laugh coz it's not clear


Or you may cry and sob a tear



Because you feel like an elf


Comparing him to your self



When you hold his hand


You feel it warm like the sand


Of a mysterious witch land



When you look at his face


You run towards him in pace


As if you are in a race



When you sit by his side


You feel that you are in a horse ride


Running freely with a guide



He is a wizard with a magical stick


Who turns wool into silk


And water into sweet milk



He is a sorcerer with whom


you can ride a magical broom



And fly in the milky way


To other galaxies far away


Where you can live and stay


Forever Happy and Gay


26/6/2009
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[Captain_Kuchiki]

That's a really good poem! I like the ryhme scheme of ABB per verse, and this really does sound like a poem about a wizard. Keep it up! :D

[MorpheusSandman]

It's as charming as it's title. Here's my advice that I give to almost all new poets; avoid end-rhymes unless you are practicing with a strict form. The reason for avoiding them is because it's too easy to twist lines around that last word rather than developing more important things and they tend to distract from what's being said; especially when the rhythm is off. If you want to practice rhyming it's probably best to work in a form like sonnets which force you to sustain the rhythm as well.

I'd highly recommend reading the Wikipedia pages on poetry; especially about meter, which is something important to learn if you want to use rhyme effectively. Also, learn about the various forms of "rhyme" or "sound patterns" which are related: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetry#Rhyme.2C_alliteration.2C_assonance

[cute angel]

That's a really good poem! I like the ryhme scheme of ABB per verse, and this really does sound like a poem about a wizard. Keep it up! :D

Thanks so much:)

[cute angel]

It's as charming as it's title. Here's my advice that I give to almost all new poets; avoid end-rhymes unless you are practicing with a strict form. The reason for avoiding them is because it's too easy to twist lines around that last word rather than developing more important things and they tend to distract from what's being said; especially when the rhythm is off. If you want to practice rhyming it's probably best to work in a form like sonnets which force you to sustain the rhythm as well.

I'd highly recommend reading the Wikipedia pages on poetry; especially about meter, which is something important to learn if you want to use rhyme effectively. Also, learn about the various forms of "rhyme" or "sound patterns" which are related: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetry#Rhyme.2C_alliteration.2C_assonance

Thanks a lot for the advice I do really appreciate that and I'll check the link soon.:)

[Bar22do]

charming and bringing smile to my face! happy christmas to you!

[cute angel]

Thanks so much and I'm happier coz it brought the smile to your face