The One You Never Want but Always Need

[Dark Muse]

The One You Never Want but Always Need

Winter
is that girl you know
who is too much bone,
all hard elbows
and pointed knees,
she never quite sits right
and keeps bruising
your insides.

Her far away eyes
are not to be obtained
even when she pleads
you fear she will only
make you bleed.

A little too pale,
you never quite know
if she is pretty or not quite so;
a touch of the asymmetrical
with wide owl eyes,
an upturned nose,
and lips that could never
say no.

When she smiles it seems
to go on for days,
but there is a little
hard-edge, like knife blades.

She is the one
you know you must give up,
but she whispers your name
and before you can look away
you fall into her embrace,
left cut upon her angles,
only her laughter remains.

Once she has slipped
out the door
you know you will mourn;
dancing in the rain of her wake
when the sun glows
it is to the North
you turn your gaze.

[Dinkleberry2010]

Wow
That is the best poetic description of winter I've ever read.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much

[PrinceMyshkin]

I wonder if you might consider ending with the verse that ends with the line "only her laughter remains' which seems to me dramatically to epitomize the whole of this bitterly ironic poem?

[Dark Muse]

That is an interesting thought. It would be possible to rework it a little to finnish with that line. I might play around with it a bit to see if I like how it comes out that way.

[firefangled]

This may be one of the best poems of yours that I have read, a totally absorbing read.

I think you should leave it as it is. I read the last stanza as an epilogue, which seem very appropriate and true.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!

[Bar22do]

a light good poem, I feel how very special that one girl is, whose ice is burning....! thank you!

[Buh4Bee]

DM,
I know this girl..She is blowing all over my house.

The best lines for me were:
When she smiles it seems
to go on for days,
but there is a little
hard-edge, like knife blades.

This tells me to not underestimate her.

[~Sophia~]

This may be one of the best poems of yours that I have read, a totally absorbing read.

I think you should leave it as it is. I read the last stanza as an epilogue, which seem very appropriate and true.

....ditto! I love it as is.

[Pendragon]

A dynamic opening leads to a first place finish! Very lovely poem!

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Yes.gif

[dibyendra]

I agree with others. This is really a lovely piece! Keep up your good work!

[cogs]

sometimes i think winters make us whom we are. this personification leaves scars that may be forgotten over summer.

[Dark Muse]

Actually I love the winter

[Mrig]

lovely poem :) Loved the thought that winter is a girl ...very original!

[Pensive]

Love your description of winter, DM!

[MorpheusSandman]

Oh, wow... how did I miss this gem! This is definitely my favorite piece that I've read from you, Dark Muse. Almost every stanza and line is perfect; from the effortless rhymes and alliterations to the evocative descriptions and metaphors. My only criticism is with this pair of lines:

"you never quite know
if she is pretty or not quite so;"

I don't like the repetition of 'quite' and I think the 'so' is the only moment in the piece where the rhyme seems too strained. The only thing I could think of would really change the meaning, something like "You never quite knew / if she was good for you" (or some variation).

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!