This is love at first sight

[K.M Roberston]

I am lying on my bed, staring up into the ceiling
I am thinking about my future; I stroke my stomach, and yours
I stomach rises to high for me to see my feet.
You kick, reminding me why I cant, and I smile.
And then pain, pain as you start to make your first journey

I scream as someone wipes sweat off my brow
I am gripping mom’s hand, they tell me to push
Push, rest, push rest, this seems to have no end
Finally the pressure is gone, the only beat in me is my own
Nersues rush around the room, none of them looking at me

I need to hold you, but no one is placing you in my arms
A nurse looks at my mom, and my mom squeezes my hand
“What’s wrong?” but my words have no volume

Everything is quiet. No one is speaking, I struggle to sit up
I need to see you.
I look up into my mothers eyes for comfort, but there is none


Time stands still




And then you cry

I cry


Your telling world you’re not giving up, you’re here to stay
All at once you’re here in my arms
I wipe away my tears that have landed on your face
There's a peach cap covering your head
Your eyes are closed softy, and your breathing is light, but unwavering
This is love at first sight.

[Bar22do]

Your poem, I believe, has a good potential though it needs more work, a better tension and rhythm (but again, it is only my opinion). I can see and appreciate what you tried to convey and did, and - what a relief to hear that final cry. Thanks for sharing.

[K.M Roberston]

I too like rhyme in poems but just writing what i need to say in free verse is the only way for me to get it out, and still be natural. But thank you for the comment just the same!

[PrinceMyshkin]

"Love at first sight," indeed! And I was held in unbearable suspense as it seemed to be going wrong!

[K.M Roberston]

As was i

[Buh4Bee]

Sorry wrong post

[Bar22do]

K.M.! I spoke of rhythm not of rhyme!

[Pendragon]

Time stands still




And then you cry

I cry



Wonderful turning point...

[hoope]

lovely poem .. i enjoyed reading it ..
keep it up !

[Lads of E3]

The poem doesn't flow very effectivley, and the form needs to be constructed more carefully. I did enjoy the content somewhat though just work on it a bit more.