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Delta40
12-03-2009, 06:27 PM
hot wind swirls down the street
and coats each verandah
with evidence of other peoples misery
the dilapidated armchair out the front
slouches in real life depression
a passerby's joy is
spirited away upon its sight
the chained mangy dog snarls
from across the road
where the dark view outshines
beautiful flowering jacarandas
purple pink and red
their flowers fall like confetti
on footpaths
that people of no relevance
shuffle, skip, swagger or reel
wild lavender and rosemary perfume
the air to cover the stench of poverty
not here, amongst penniless folk
amid crime, unemployment and pain
do God-given visions count
The bursting array of spring colours
in suburban nature don't matter
in this place so much
as if you're black or you're white
'that isn't true!'
yes it is and don't deny it.

free
12-04-2009, 05:57 AM
Well done. It describes its subject even with its rhythm, slowly and surely.

Virgil
12-04-2009, 09:21 AM
I agree, well done. I particularly liked the most vivid section, this:

the dilapidated armchair out the front
slouches in real life depression
a passerby's joy is
spirited away upon its sight
the chained mangy dog snarls
from across the road
where the dark view outshines
beautiful flowering jacarandas
purple pink and red
their flowers fall like confetti
on footpaths

Pendragon
12-04-2009, 09:43 AM
hot wind swirls down the street
and coats each verandah
with evidence of other peoples misery
the dilapidated armchair out the front
slouches in real life depression



Very thought provoking entrance here :angel:

paperleaves
12-04-2009, 12:43 PM
This is truly a masterful work--full of evocative imagery and a delicate bed of despair covered up by your colorful descriptions....
Incredible work!


love
paper

~Sophia~
12-04-2009, 01:18 PM
not here, amongst penniless folk
amid crime, unemployment and pain
do God-given visions count
The bursting array of spring colours
in suburban nature don't matter
in this place so much
as if you're black or you're white
'that isn't true!'
yes it is and don't deny it.

Very powerful and saddening. Why can't we just learn to keep colour out of it! Ovations for not being afraid to say "it" and say it well!!!

Delta40
12-04-2009, 05:51 PM
thank you everyone. I am trying to write in a powerful way - maybe its a phase!

Buh4Bee
12-04-2009, 10:38 PM
You wrote about this subject matter beautifully.