Thought you should know!

[formality hater]

THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW!

I never knew you had lied to me,
And now I tell you it wasn't fair
The time I confronted your eyes,
I found no truth lying there...

You had told me your knack for melodies,
Oh Godness,how was I surprised,
I became quite sure and contended,
To see how much we were alike!

Together we had seen the sorrows,
And cried with grief and delight,
We prayed for better tomorrows,
And the solace I'd found in your voice

The harmony you'd once created,
And the sonnet which shattered the ice,
For it had stood between us,
The silence which you truly despised

I remember you plucking the guitar-strings,
And your fingers against black and white
The music-it felt as a life to me
And calmness to my tepid eyes!

Now I wish I'd never fallen for you,
And all of your clever lies,
But then it wasn't you,my unlucky friend,
It was your melody... that I had liked!
.................................................. ....

[DanBierce]

The rhyming of this is quite good. So is the meter. I'm wondering, though, if the rhyming quatrain form is still popular with most contemporary readers. I don't think it is. This is the first poem of yours I have read, so I don't know if you write using the free verse form or not. Free verse is a form, and does require effective use meter and sound even though it doesn't include end-rhymes other than occasionaly here and there within a poem.

Just an idea I will toss out to you: What if you took this line from this poem:

"And the sonnet which shattered the ice" and changed it to:

'A Sonnet Shatters the Ice' and used it as the title of a free verse poem and went from there? I see in this poem you use near/slant rhyme a few times, which is commonly used in free verse, so you're already on your way. Anyway--

just a thought. I do think you did a great job of using unforced rhyme in this effort, and avoided for the most part using words that were obviously just for the sake of maintaining rhyme and meter, so kudos to you for that.

One more thing: Be sure to be aware of cliches such as "clever lies," and try to avoid them like the plague.