help on paper!! please

[braden]

i have to write a paper on the roober bridegroom
this is my first body paragraph please critique and give suggestions.

Jamie Lockhart develops a disguise of berry juice to keep part of his life secret and the other side truthful. Rosamond was out in the forest singing, when Jamie Lockhart road up on a horse with his face covered in berry stains. “...none other than Jamie Lockhart, out for devilment of some kind, with his face all stained in berry juice for disguise”(45). The berry juice is used when Jamie goes out into the world to rob people of their own belongings. It plays an important role in the story, by keeping the real side of Jamie's life a secret. In contrast, when Rosamond and Jamie meet at clements house Rosamond is now wearing the disguise of filth from preparing the dinner and neither of them could discern each other. “So then Jamie saw Rosamond and they never recognized each other in the world, for the tables were turned; this time he was to clean and she was to dirty”(68). Eurodra Welty brings into play the use of disguise once again to show that they began to fall for each other but connot recognize one another in the same room. Finally Rosamond grew tired of not knowing what the face of her true lover looked like, “..up she got and away she crept, and made up the brew which would wipe away the stains” (134). Salome gave the brew recipe to Rosamond knowing that when she found out it was Jamie under the stains, that it would create a problem but there arose a greater predicament of trust between the two and Jamie quickly got up and rushed out the window

[glover7]

i have to write a paper on the roober bridegroom
this is my first body paragraph please critique and give suggestions.

Jamie Lockhart develops a disguise of berry juice to keep part of his life secret and the other side truthful. Rosamond was out in the forest singing, when Jamie Lockhart road up on a horse with his face covered in berry stains. “...none other than Jamie Lockhart, out for devilment of some kind, with his face all stained in berry juice for disguise”(45). The berry juice is used when Jamie goes out into the world to rob people of their own belongings. It plays an important role in the story, by keeping the real side of Jamie's life a secret. In contrast, when Rosamond and Jamie meet at clements house Rosamond is now wearing the disguise of filth from preparing the dinner and neither of them could discern each other. “So then Jamie saw Rosamond and they never recognized each other in the world, for the tables were turned; this time he was to clean and she was to dirty”(68). Eurodra Welty brings into play the use of disguise once again to show that they began to fall for each other but connot recognize one another in the same room. Finally Rosamond grew tired of not knowing what the face of her true lover looked like, “..up she got and away she crept, and made up the brew which would wipe away the stains” (134). Salome gave the brew recipe to Rosamond knowing that when she found out it was Jamie under the stains, that it would create a problem but there arose a greater predicament of trust between the two and Jamie quickly got up and rushed out the window

I've never read the book, but I can see you have some rather glaring technical errors. I tried to bold them all.

First, you have a few typos. You mean "rode," not "road." Eudora is spelled incorrectly, and you wrote "connot" instead of "cannot." "Clement's" is what I believe you meant to say about the meeting in the house; I can't be sure because I'm only going off of the context of the sentence.

Your last line is a bit ambitious in its length. It also has a tense shift problem.

When you use quotations, integrate them more gracefully in your writing. You don't necessarily need ellipses to begin every quotation For example, your first quotation could be used more like this:

Rosamond is out in the forest singing, when Jamie appears, "out for devilment of some kind, with his face all stained in berry juice for disguise" (p. #).

Also, whenever you write an essay about literature, keep it in present tense. Always, always, always keep it in present tense.

Although I'm not a passive voice nazi (passive voice is not only superior in some cases but also necessary), the part that I put in bold reads awkwardly. Switch that sentence to active voice.

Your use of "discern" also reads as awkward, so I would recommend using a different word in that case.

You have an unnecessary comma that I put in bold.

I can't give any recommendations on content because I'm unfamiliar with the story, but hopefully some of this helped with technique. Good luck on the essay!