(from a new) Translation UNICEF convention

[marc new]

Hello!

I'm a student in a Business School (1rst year), and english isn't my main language (my lv2 is spanish). Please, do you give me some help and correct me? This is a oral performence.

I will help you in French (i'm french) or spanish, if you need my help.

Thanks for all, :à

This year UNICEF celebrates the 20 years of convention. It has a very influential job and there is a fall of all numbers concerning the ill-treatment of the child in the broad sense since 20 ans

Why is it so important?
To my mind it is very important. Because children are the citizens of tomorrow, the humanity of tomorrow. It is about our job of teacher and child welfare.

Under nutrition (with approximately 5.6 million dead child per year). The Under nutrition contributes to more half of the deaths of children. How to imagine that our ground (world) with food for all? We must transmit this value, it is a history of humanity

Access to education
115 million children who, according to the estimates are not schoolings
Children have the right to an education. to become citizens able to defend themselves

Maltreated childhood
In France, one estimates at 50,000 the number of maltreated children.
In France, the family is the principal person in charge of the acts of ill-treatment on child. Indeed, 51% of the acts of ill-treatment are made by parents
It has direct effects on the children but long-term effects too


Child work
According to UNICEF, 350 million children are concerned in the world; with in particular the worst shapes of child work

United Nations (UNO) currently estimates at 300,000 the number of children soldiers. They are mainly used DURING civil wars, or by paramilitary criminal groups in Colombia or revolutionary movements of guerilla (FARC)
Child prostitution, 150 million in the world, mainly in India Thailand Brazil.

This 2 things create large and deep psychological damage on child.

[kiki1982]

Ok, I dontthink this is the right forum for it, but moderators will put it somewhere else if need be.

I must warn you I am no English native speaker, but I am fairly good so here goes. Other, please do not hesitate to correct further!


This year UNICEF celebrates the 20 years of convention. It has a very influential job and there is a fall of all numbers concerning the ill-treatment of the child in the broad sense since 20 ans.

p1: 'the 20-year anniversary of the Convention of the Rights of the Child'. I think this is better, because the Convention is a document. UNICEF is only a organisation that works with it.

'The organisation has a...' You are no longer talking about the Convention, but about UNICEF, so make it clear, otherwise you are still going on about the Convention (last named wod is always taken when referring to something with 'it')

'...there has been a fall...' Present Perfect or Present Simple? It is a question of: is the effect of the fall visible now, and has it involved a process that started in the past? 'I have read a book'='I have now finished it, I got to the end after reading it.' So, 'there has been a fall in numbers' because the fall has been going on for some time. You can say 'there is a fall', but thenthere must be another adjective with that, f.e. discernable/visible because 'the fall is visible'.

'mltreatment of the child': better to say 'child abuse'
'since 20 years', better 'in 20 years' because we are talking about a period in which the numbers of child abuse fell a great deal.


Why is it so important?
To my mind it is very important. Because children are the citizens of tomorrow, the humanity of tomorrow. It is about our job of teacher and child welfare.


I would ratehr say 'Why is this so important',because it stops 'it' getting annoying. It is not false though.

'..., because children are the citizens of tomorrow, the future of humankind.' The last bit is a little tricky, as 'humanité' (humanity) in French works differently to the English one (I find that at least). The English one is nt so much active as passive, so it cannot 'be'. 'Future', though, can be used in that sense and then the sentence does not use the same format.


Under nutrition (with approximately 5.6 million dead child per year). The Under nutrition contributes to more half of the deaths of children. How to imagine that our ground (world) with food for all? We must transmit this value, it is a history of humanity


'Malnutrition (with approximately 5.6 million dead children per/every year).'

Malnutrition is what it is called in English. You could say 'every' instead of 'per', but it is not ncessary.

'to more than half of children's deaths'. Wen having one 'o' in the setence, it is always better to use not another. For that there are genitives.

I don't know what you ean by the next sentence (How to imagine...)... I suspect it is th fact that we want it to be like that.
I would go for: 'A world with food for all. We must pass this value on to the next generation, it is the story of humankind.' 'Must' is a verbof necessity. If I just want to say 'je veux que tu/tu dois...', I say 'we have to'. If I find that we 'need' to do something, I say 'need', so depending on your message, you could say:

'we must pass this value on' (it is an absolute necessity)
'we need to pass this valueon ' (we need to)
'we have to pass this value on' (I find we should)
'we should' (in case I think we must, but I am not sure you are going to take my advice)

'history' is not alway the same as 'histoire'. 'Histoire' can be a story (like a book) where it can also be 'history' as in the past.

'the next generation'. You always pass on to someone. Without one to receive you cannot pass on.

'transmit' is not good, because it calls up connotations of diseases.


Access to education
115 million children who, according to the estimates are not schoolings
Children have the right to an education. to become citizens able to defend themselves


'There are 115 million children who, according to the estimates, do not have access to education.'
I think you meant the French 'écollier'. It does not exist in English (unless 'student', but that is for people older than children).


Maltreated childhood
In France, one estimates at 50,000 the number of maltreated children.
In France, the family is the principal person in charge of the acts of ill-treatment on child. Indeed, 51% of the acts of ill-treatment are made by parents
It has direct effects on the children but long-term effects too


'Child abuse'

'In France, the number of abused children is estimated at 50,000.'

We don't use the pronoun 'on' in English when using estimates.

'Family members are the principle abusers.' I think this is better because 'being in charge' is only used when leading something, for example a boss leading a team is in charge.
'Indeed, 51% of all cases involves parents.' Adn act I think is a too much achaic word for this. A 'case' has a more criminal feel and it 'involves' something/someone.

'...it has long-term ones too.' It is better to refer, try to avoid repeating yourself.


Child work
According to UNICEF, 350 million children are concerned in the world; with in particular the worst shapes of child work


'Child labour'

'...the worst forms of child labour'. 'shape is a word that is only used for physical things, or in formal language for the above, but this does not apply to studies of UNICEF or other statistics


United Nations (UNO) currently estimates at 300,000 the number of children soldiers. They are mainly used DURING civil wars, or by paramilitary criminal groups in Colombia or revolutionary movements of guerilla (FARC)
Child prostitution, 150 million in the world, mainly in India Thailand Brazil.


'The United Nations (UN) currently estimate(s) the number of child soldiers at 300,000.


This 2 things create large and deep psychological damage on child.

'These 2 things create great and deep psycological damage.'

'large' is not really wrong, it is mainly used for physical things.

I hope I helped you. Good luck with your prsentation!