Aviator Lenses

[Sampson]

i stole a of glimpse of paradise
one night
in my history, which is systematically
destroying itself in the name
of my future; my present
left for dead on the battlefields
of time
my mind unwinding before
widen eyes behind
aviator lenses
i left my tension
at the door
all i brought was four
red stripes and the type
of excitment that friday night
imparts in your soul
and your heart
as you roll out
down those cold streets
desolate and bleak
but they speak to me
alive with the spirit
of the night
so i watch traffic lights
turn from green...
to white
to lines on pages
but i find
these escapist tendancies
don't really fulfil me
anymore

[firefangled]

I'm not sure I get this, it could be me. It seems to lose the path it set for itself in the first few lines.

I like the metaphor of the aviator lenses and the ending three lines would work well with it if the middle lines were made to focus what you are saying about the present (the red stripes, the cruising in excitement) with a little more connectivity between the opening and the ending lines.

[Sampson]

I know what you mean. I wrote this very quickly, and also felt it lost something towards the end. I think I'll need to change "from green... to white". The flow faltered a little there...

[MorpheusSandman]

I actually really like the flow of this one. It's definitely stream-of-conscious style and a bit surrealistic but it strikes me as a kind of impressionistic and fractured sketch of thoughts and memories. I quite love the last three lines.

[Sampson]

Thanks Mr. Sandman... Most of my poetry is "stream of conciousness" style; hip hop music and spontaneous prose have really made their mark on my work, haha!

[PrinceMyshkin]

I worried a bit that some of th references might be to drug culture of which I know practically nothing but as in your other poem, the stride here, the feel of a person actually talking is terrific.

[paperleaves]

holy ****. seriously. scrolling through the comments, when you said hip hop was an influence and you normally write stream of consciousness, it just...clicked. I could hear you. there was such movement, and the lines that really grabbed me were "all i brought was four/red stripes and the type/of excitment that friday night/imparts in your soul/and your heart/as you roll out/down those cold streets/desolate and bleak/but they speak to me/alive with the spirit/of the night" and naturally, the last three lines.

you wowed me. please PLEASE continue to post. you are inspiring!


love
paper

[dibyendra]

Wow, that's quite different poem! Keep up your good work!

[Buh4Bee]

Do the aviator lenses imply the subject of the poem is flying high but going no where?

I read this poem a few times and kept coming back to it. I also like it. However, I see that it is a stream of consciousness, so it's not as clear as I wish.
Awesome images.

[Sampson]

Thanks to all of you guys for your feedback guys...

PrinceMyshkin, my poem is based on experiences involving drugs. In fact, experiences with drugs are reflected in much of my poetry, as I leave behind that world for another. I hope this doesn't bother you, as much of the 'talkative' style can be attributed to the way poetry flows free from one's tongue whilst wasted, gazing up at hazy star scape (see what I mean?)

Paperleaves, you're comments are once again some of the nicest I have ever received. Thank you so much; and I am truly glad you find my words inspiring, for I feel that is the highest praise a poet can give or be given.

Jersea, the mention of Aviators was a literal reference to something I saw the night before I wrote this piece. It can mean whatever you want, but your interpretation is very appropriate (:

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks to all of you guys for your feedback guys...

PrinceMyshkin, my poem is based on experiences involving drugs. In fact, experiences with drugs are reflected in much of my poetry, as I leave behind that world for another. I hope this doesn't bother you, as much of the 'talkative' style can be attributed to the way poetry flows free from one's tongue whilst wasted, gazing up at hazy star scape (see what I mean?)

I consider that I'd have no business passing judgment on your or anyone else's use of drugs unless I knew them well and they asked my opinion! My only reason for mentioning that is that I guessed there were references to drugs and without understanding them (entirely the fault of my inexperience) I might not be fully getting the poem. But we all pretty much have to take that chance from time to time when there are unavoidably private references in our poetry. We write for ourselves as well as for others.

[Buh4Bee]

I have to agree with you Prince, I often write for myself and post anyway. I try to make them somewhat understandable, but tend to put a lot of private references in them.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I have to agree with you Prince, I often write for myself and post anyway. I try to make them somewhat understandable, but tend to put a lot of private references in them.

As a matter of fact, I wonder if it is possible to write anything that doesn't have some private or at least personal reference in it, even if only on the symbolic or subconscious level.

[cogs]

at first i thought it maybe a reference to a war veteran coming home, but the analogy still works as an embattled user. i do also like the lines paperleaves quoted.

[Sampson]

It is interesting that this should come up as I was discussing it only last night. I agree with PrinceMyshkin; all poetry is a reflection of the poet on some level. I write self-indulgently, largely because I like to play about with sounds and the visual aspect of printed poetry. But I reckon when one decides to release their poetry publicly then it becomes whatever the conversation around it dictates. I like to make my own judgements about the references in a poem; I find that not knowing quite why the poet did it just like that is part of the joy of poetry to me!

[PrinceMyshkin]

It is interesting that this should come up as I was discussing it only last night. I agree with PrinceMyshkin; all poetry is a reflection of the poet on some level. I write self-indulgently, largely because I like to play about with sounds and the visual aspect of printed poetry. But I reckon when one decides to release their poetry publicly then it becomes whatever the conversation around it dictates. I like to make my own judgements about the references in a poem; I find that not knowing quite why the poet did it just like that is part of the joy of poetry to me!

What a wonderful response, which should remind us that poetry is very much an interactive sport! For me it is also a constant re-evaluation of my relationship with the world out there: to what extent can I trust them to understand this or to work at understanding that...

And your observation about not knowing quite why the poet did it a certain way means, in a sense, that you make your own poems out of the text that has been provided you.

[MorpheusSandman]

poetry is very much an interactive sport!Or, as Orson Welles said (paraphrased): "I want to give the audience a hint of (meaning). No more than that. Give them too much and they won't contribute anything themselves. Give them just a suggestion and you get them working with you. That's what gives the (art) meaning: when it becomes a social act."

[Buh4Bee]

Morpheus, nice reference.