Have You Ever Read my Story?

[VulpesFulva]

Have you ever read my story?

Stroked the Braille of its gilded shell?
Knocked to find a distant whisper
Answer – hollow, fearful, tearful –
“Go away. Leave me be.
Here is nothing but a man.”

Have you ever heard my story?
Put your ear to stone and mortar
And through the gilt, heard the roar,
Of blind tsunamis, deaf tornados,
Raging always ‘gainst the capsule?

Have you ever stepped inside my story?
Found the crack with searching fingers
Into my world of storm and anguish?
Through the torrent can you see me
Huddled tightly, brightly shining?

Have you ever felt my story?
Fought through surges infused with grief
Confused and bleak, to find the meaning?



*Written this morning... I can't tell if I should keep going with it, or if this was a good stopping point. What do you think?*

[DanBierce]

I think this is pretty good. You can work on it more if you like. All poems can be better. I wouldn't rush revisions, though. Set it aside for a while and look at it again a few weeks from now. Enjoyed!

[VulpesFulva]

Thanks. I'm going to let it stew for a while.

[PrinceMyshkin]

*Written this morning... I can't tell if I should keep going with it, or if this was a good stopping point. What do you think?*

I agree with DanBierce. Actually, I think it's a tribute to the powerful body of the poem, that the last three lines fall a bit flat - like a soft-lob after a magnificent wind up. The questions with which you begin each of the previous stanzas lead me to expect something more heartbreaking or at least, less rhetorical at the end.

But - damn! - the preceding verses are so good!

[MorpheusSandman]

I'm with Prince on this one. All of your poems so far have shown a lot of promise and talent; like a rough, unpolished gem. Spend some time working on them and I think you'll be amongst our best in no time.

[blazeofglory]

Have you ever read my story?

Stroked the Braille of its gilded shell?
Knocked to find a distant whisper
Answer – hollow, fearful, tearful –
“Go away. Leave me be.
Here is nothing but a man.”

Have you ever heard my story?
Put your ear to stone and mortar
And through the gilt, heard the roar,
Of blind tsunamis, deaf tornados,
Raging always ‘gainst the capsule?

Have you ever stepped inside my story?
Found the crack with searching fingers
Into my world of storm and anguish?
Through the torrent can you see me
Huddled tightly, brightly shining?

Have you ever felt my story?
Fought through surges infused with grief
Confused and bleak, to find the meaning?



*Written this morning... I can't tell if I should keep going with it, or if this was a good stopping point. What do you think?*

This is really a beautiful poem and this kind of says something of human predicament, and of course human situations today.

[qimissung]

This is just so beautiful. Yes, I agree with every one else; you need a couple more lines that you bring to the full power and glory of the rest of this fine work.

[cogs]

yes, like 'what kind of meaning?' and other provoking questions. the refrain 'have you ever...' can probably be left out, with read, hear, step inside, and feel being integrated with the stanzas... people will get the idea.
overall, very nice poem i kinda wish i'd written. it feels vulnerable and transparent, which is charming.

[VulpesFulva]

Thanks everyone for your praise and encouragement. My reception here has been better than I could have hoped for. I look forward to reading everyone's poetry as well as working more on my own poetry.

I will work on it!