My take.

[Isitandthink]

A mortal cries amidst his struggles,
a numbing flame searing his existence.
The ashes left are like the emptiness left,
wondering what has his life burnt.

His soul is vast like the universe,
yet reminds him of the dark silent
space that hovers above the earth.

But man has found glory with his shuttle
and his flag, even in this all-engulfing
black.

And here he seats warmed in his ordinary
jacket, baring his thoughts, wondering
when his life would be the rocket.

[MorpheusSandman]

I love the attempt to tackle such a grand theme and I think the ending is wonderful. The only things I would suggest would be to avoid simplistic and obvious similes ("vast like the universe"). I also don't get the repetition of "left" in the third line. I think it would be more effective to simply say "The ashes left are the emptiness."

[Isitandthink]

Hi MorpheusSandman, thanks for your opinion!

I just began writing poetry. The poem was written one night when I felt really heavy to do anything else.

Even when one strives to remain POSITIVE and pro-active in pursuing one's dream, there are inevitably certain nights when the fatigue and the anxiety of stagnant progress comes crushing down on the happiest chap.

[cogs]

this poem shows the promise of a good poet. question: on the shuttle and flag, what did that reference, any particular thing? 'seats' might have been 'sits'. it's a good contrast, with the rocket and the ordinariness; also vast space, and the enclosed sitting area.

[Isitandthink]

Good day cogs! Thank you for your interest in the poem.

Yeah the "sit" issue is definitely my mistake of wrong diction.

The reference of the shuttle and the flag was made from Neil Armstrong's symbolic landing upon the moon.

It was my attempt to depict the possibility where man can find glory and honour even in an environment which is often portrayed as ill-lighted, devoid of life, solemn and gloomy. To mirror the state of mind where disappointment and depression may be overwhelming but the persona still hangs on, struggling to keep in mind the day when he shall achieve his ambition.

[cogs]

thank you for explaining. the meaning for me 'took off'. there's alot of good poetry here recently.