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View Full Version : Erratic Ponder


Wade-newb
10-23-2009, 03:19 PM
Mindfully
Through each day go forth.
And tumult and terror rains eternal.
Invisible to you.
Not something I would share.
That one, withering secret.
Better left untold.
Lest it destroy the reality.
Of us...Together.
MorpheusSandman
10-23-2009, 06:47 PM
I really like it; short, economic and very potent. I like the alliteration of the Ts in the third line. I might merely remove the "and" from that line, as well as the "together" in the last line and maybe "one" after "that one".
Delta40
10-23-2009, 06:50 PM
I like this little cloud of thunder....
Wade-newb
10-24-2009, 01:40 AM
I really like it; short, economic and very potent. I like the alliteration of the Ts in the third line. I might merely remove the "and" from that line, as well as the "together" in the last line and maybe "one" after "that one".

Wow, thanks a lot! :)
Ya, originally, it didn't have the "together" at the end, but when I re-typed it here, for some reason I just thought it would be better :P Haha guess not.
Thanks again for all the CC :)
Wade-newb
10-24-2009, 01:41 AM
I like this little cloud of thunder....

Hehe, I'm glad you do. :D
Thanks!
blazeofglory
10-24-2009, 06:29 AM
This is really a very interesting poem different from the archetype.
Wade-newb
10-24-2009, 06:30 AM
This is really a very interesting poem different from the archetype.

Why thank you :D
Very kind :)
Pendragon
10-25-2009, 07:40 AM
Very nice, be better without the punctuation. A nice brief poem that says a lot with a little!
Wade-newb
10-25-2009, 11:59 AM
Very nice, be better without the punctuation. A nice brief poem that says a lot with a little!

Do you mean just the ellipses, or all punctuation?
Thanks for the feedback! :)