Two new ones.

[kevinthediltz]

Wait, who am I again???? :lol: Its been a long time. A have a few new ones. Here are two. For those who remember how I write I apparently changed my style a bit. Let me know what you think. I need to get back on here and read everyones new stuff.

Sharpshooter (yes I wrote it after I bought a new pistol)

The hand flicks
Blurred motion to the waist
Smooth wood carreses the the fingers
Warmth,
Comfort,
Beauty.
Brass slides delicately out of the leather
A shot rings out
I feel nothing
Emptyness


The beast (Maybe?)

A fork in the road and I take a left
My body is comsumed by flame
Searing my flesh
Charring muscle black
The beast emerges from the flames
licking at it's heels
It rips at me, tears at me
My skin is like a willow branch
Hanging off bones in bloody, twisted forms
It tears out my eyes,
Sets them on a stump
I have the pleasure,
of watching my body be devoured
With it's final gulp
I took towards the right path,
Longing,
Peace,
Glory.

[Delta40]

I like the second one in its crude ferocious black.

Sharpshooter seems emotionally predictable, until I think about the direction of the bullet then it has a quality all its own

[blazeofglory]

Enigmatic. I think this is a new experiment. Carry on you can write beautiful ones in future

[kevinthediltz]

Thank you both very much. I don't really like that first one too much. I was just looking at my new replica and wanted to write something and bask in the glory of the pistol. :lol: Anyway, thank you.

[skib]

Its about time. I was running low on morbid inspiration.

[MorpheusSandman]

Sharpshooter IS a bit predictable but the second one is interesting. I especially like the use of a willow as a metaphor for such a violent act; it's an effective and subversive juxtaposition. I might recommend removing the final three words; I like the note of longing that "looking towards the right path" would leave on. I'm also not sure about how the poem suddenly jumps into the fire; you might build up to this a bit more or introduce the fire more lightly; instead of immediately devouring you in flames you might trip and look up and find yourself surrounded, or something.