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Delta40
10-22-2009, 08:37 PM
Is this bleak road the one you travel
the cul-de-sac of no view?
So firm along your beaten track
Where even death can hear you spew
I can't help the way I am!

Oh what coins rattle in my pocket
when you ask me for change!
blazeofglory
10-22-2009, 10:34 PM
Is this bleak road the one you travel
the cul-de-sac of no view?
So firm along your beaten track
Where even death can hear you spew
I can't help the way I am!

Oh what coins rattle in my pocket
when you ask me for change!

Something that is satirically palatable.
kevinthediltz
10-22-2009, 10:37 PM
The last two lines made me smile in a sick way. I liked it alot.
MorpheusSandman
10-23-2009, 02:51 AM
I liked it too; those last two lines are golden.
Delta40
10-23-2009, 04:11 AM
thank you.

would it be better to write:

Oh what coins jingle in my pocket
when you ask me for change!
PrinceMyshkin
10-23-2009, 07:54 AM
Is this bleak road the one you travel
the cul-de-sac of no view?
So firm along your beaten track
Where even death can hear you spew
I can't help the way I am!

Oh what coins rattle in my pocket
when you ask me for change!

What mastery you have of the short, somewhat elliptical poem!