awe
10-21-2009, 08:25 PM
Just a rough thing I just tugged from my chaotic head, I'd love some opinions of the first couple of paras? Anything in grey is uncertain, but the black text has been revised (lightly). Keep in mind it's 1:14AM at the moment. C:
My college has a short-story competition going on, and I could kill for a new dress, hence me wanting the £100 first prize. (; So I'd really appreciate some opinions on whatever you fancy having an opinion about.
>>>>> I know there's not much so far, heh, mainly because I have a billion disjointed paragraphs from this narrator and haven't had time to pick my favourites and intertwine them just yet... feel free to come back later, you'll see more.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Breaking the Silence
When I’m below the surface everything is made of noise. Colours are reduced to mere hues while my sense of smell is non-existent, thanks to the hard plastic trapping my nostrils. Even touch is impossible with the world around me limited to just one texture, so difficult to describe. My sight is married by steamed goggles, and my dry mouth is all I can taste.
I love the water.
Above the surface my world is devoid of noise. Plates break and objects knock, lips move and the television screen flickers incessantly; but no sound reaches my damaged ears. Up above, I see and feel, taste and touch far too much. Only when I break the surface of the water and slip down into the depths, I can imagine that I can hear.
It’s difficult to explain, especially in my language. I can’t put these kinds of emotions into my fingers, these feelings into my eyes. I can’t even write them down in a manner that can make anyone, let alone my father, understand.
When I took my first breath my mother took her last. 5:46 AM. The midwife had a slow watch. Two weeks after my birth she sent my father a letter, telling him he might want to add four minutes to my birth time. He didn’t.
When I signed up for my GCSE’s the options ‘French’ and ‘German’ made me shake. That’s what I do when I laugh. If I laugh in public I get funny glares and stares, so I don’t like to laugh much anymore. I’ve been told people stare because of the ‘sounds’. I think that’s a daft thing to tell a deaf girl, and I know the best thing to do would be to just ignore the stares... but sometimes it’s not just that easy.
My college has a short-story competition going on, and I could kill for a new dress, hence me wanting the £100 first prize. (; So I'd really appreciate some opinions on whatever you fancy having an opinion about.
>>>>> I know there's not much so far, heh, mainly because I have a billion disjointed paragraphs from this narrator and haven't had time to pick my favourites and intertwine them just yet... feel free to come back later, you'll see more.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Breaking the Silence
When I’m below the surface everything is made of noise. Colours are reduced to mere hues while my sense of smell is non-existent, thanks to the hard plastic trapping my nostrils. Even touch is impossible with the world around me limited to just one texture, so difficult to describe. My sight is married by steamed goggles, and my dry mouth is all I can taste.
I love the water.
Above the surface my world is devoid of noise. Plates break and objects knock, lips move and the television screen flickers incessantly; but no sound reaches my damaged ears. Up above, I see and feel, taste and touch far too much. Only when I break the surface of the water and slip down into the depths, I can imagine that I can hear.
It’s difficult to explain, especially in my language. I can’t put these kinds of emotions into my fingers, these feelings into my eyes. I can’t even write them down in a manner that can make anyone, let alone my father, understand.
When I took my first breath my mother took her last. 5:46 AM. The midwife had a slow watch. Two weeks after my birth she sent my father a letter, telling him he might want to add four minutes to my birth time. He didn’t.
When I signed up for my GCSE’s the options ‘French’ and ‘German’ made me shake. That’s what I do when I laugh. If I laugh in public I get funny glares and stares, so I don’t like to laugh much anymore. I’ve been told people stare because of the ‘sounds’. I think that’s a daft thing to tell a deaf girl, and I know the best thing to do would be to just ignore the stares... but sometimes it’s not just that easy.