Subsisto Cuspis

[Pendragon]

Subsisto Cuspis

Lost in a moment that is frozen in time—
Looking ahead seems such a waste…
Life has no meaning, neither rhythm nor rhyme,
The flavor of tomorrow has now lost its taste
Wondering why this roadblock in my mind,
Has grown to where I cannot see the future
Wandering round and round for most of my time,
With bad feelings that I seem to nurture
I must break my chains and get on with my life,
Tear down these walls and go forward—
Take courage to face all the trouble and strife,
Swim against the dark riptide and go shoreward…
Even though here there is a mask to cover every face,
There are still plenty of reasons to continue this race

Pendragon
© Saturday, October 17, 2009

[DanielBenoit]

What I love about this poem is that its rhythm and rhyme is so playful and yet the subject matter is so morose. Usually juxtapositions like these make a poem sound disingenuious to me, but here it works very well; mainly due to the fact that the ending signifies that "there are plenty of reasons to continue this race": rhythm and rhyme being one of them.

The first line in particular caught me with its flawless rhythm and yet the ringing truthfulness. Though every line rings an ear of truth and makes it a fully ressurecting and hopeful poem, for it does not evade truth, but nor does it neglect the fact that there is always another day ahead.

[TheFifthElement]

Pen, you are an excellent sonnet writer. There's honesty in your words, such that you forget the structure and just feel the rhythm and the motion and hear the wisdom and the sadness. I was glad of the upbeat ending, the glimmer of hope in a dark tunnel. It may be only a tiny shard of light but it is there, my friend. Yes, we all need to tear off those masks once in a while. Thought provoking poetry, as always.

[MorpheusSandman]

Pen, I usually love your stuff but I'm a bit picky when it comes to sonnets because I think it is - or should be - one of the more definite and fixed forms. There's definitely room to play with it a bit, but just having a rhyme scheme and 14 lines doesn't really make a good sonnet formally. Element talks about how he forgets the structure and just "feels the rhythm" but for me I trip up over the metrical variations. It's not so much that sonnets MUST be in constant iambic pentameter, but when you mix feet so randomly in lines that rhyme it can be a bit like traveling on a gravel road for the reader. I think it's possible to do some interesting things with metrical variations in sonnets but I also think it's important to keep a keen sensibility on how the rhythm and rhyme plays out with them in place.

For instance, the first two lines contrast nicely; the dactyls of the first line with the longer central foot with the rather short and straight-forward iambic tetrameter of the second line. The third stretches the rhyme out a bit, but it's not bad, but I think the fourth one really trips up because it's so long given the long/short/long rhythm of the first three lines. With some of the others the meter gets really mixed up especially in length; mixing pentameters, tetrameters, even a trimeter.

But this is just my opinion. I tend to want to do my best to work in strict sonnet forms because there's just so much creative possibility within the limitations it creates.

[Pendragon]

Thank you, Dan and Fifth.




I tend to want to do my best to work in strict sonnet forms because there's just so much creative possibility within the limitations it creates.

Post them then, mon ami, and I'll read them. I tend just to go with my gut, and people seem to like what they read. That is the definition of poetry, what speaks to the mind of the reader, not slavery to form. But that's just my opinion...

Pen

[MorpheusSandman]

Post them then, mon ami, and I'll read them.I posted them as I wrote them... I guess I could PM them to you if you want.


I tend just to go with my gut, and people seem to like what they read. That is the definition of poetry, what speaks to the mind of the reader, not slavery to form.I tend to use free-verse in pieces where I'm simply "writing from my gut" but use formal poetry for works where I really want to plan, consider, and carefully compose. Free-verse accentuates the natural rhythms of stream-of-conscious writing and speech while stricter forms are naturally more artificial but can be powerful rhetorical, metaphoric, and artistic tools.

I think "slavery of form" is the completely wrong way of looking at it. All art is about form and content, and the best art almost always utilizes the form to enhance the content to the point where they're inseparable or, at least, if the form was changed the content would be radically changed as well. The sonnet is such a classical and "fixed" form I really dislike messing with it without a really good reasons because there's so many creative possibilities inherent in the form before you even consider content. Consider:

Do you structure it as 3 quatrains and a closing couplet? An octet and a sestet? Do you use a strong volta (turn) at line 9? How do you handle development and denoument? If you use a closing couplet, how do you use it to comment on/sum up the entire piece?

Plus, it's important to understand how meter effects rhyme. When you're dealing with end-rhymes the meter creates a rhythm of expectation; kinda like using cymbal crashes to punctuate downbeats. When the meter varies, the rhythm inevitably gets "off". For instance, it's common for new poets to use end-rhymes but ignore meter and rhythm and it often leads to bad lines:

Consider 3 examples:

I love my mom so much
But she is old and must use a crutch
I love her dearly
I can only come and see her yearly

You can use scansion to look at the wonky rhythm:

-/-/-/ = Iambic trimeter
-/-/-//-/ = Iambic tetrameter with a lone stressed syllable in the middle which interrupts the rhythm
-/-/- = Iambic dimeter with a soft ending
/-/-/-/-/- - This reads more like trochaic pentameter but it's really the opening three words that knock-off the rhythm because the first three syllables all carry with them a certain emphasis which slows down the rhythm; plus, the pentameter contrasts with the short, dimeter of the 3rd line and the expectation of the rhyme.

In comparison:

I love my mom so much
Though she must use a crutch
I love my mom most dearly
I come to see her yearly

All straight Iambic trimeter:

-/-/-/
-/-/-/
-/-/-/-
-/-/-/-

Perhaps it's a bit boring, but it's much better than the messy first example.

Even better yet:

I really love my mom so much
Though she must use a crutch
I really love my mom so dearly
I come to see her yearly

Here, the tetrameter is followed by a trimeter line which gives the relationship a certain dynamic. It's more exciting than the second example, and not as messy as the first.

The good thing about sonnets is that if you used a relatively fixed pentameter and feet that the lines are long enough to create a dynamic on their own by the very fact that you can alternate the rhyme scheme (Abba, ABAB, ABCBAC, ABCABC, etc.) and the pentameter lines give you plenty of room to develop your subject. It's fine to work in alternate feets now and then so long as it doesn't drastically alter the rhythm and makes it more natural and stresses tend to me more important to the extent that having too many or not enough will throw off the rhythm more than inverting feet or adding a trochee or anapest here and there.

I hope this isn't overly pedantic. Again, I'm just very picky about sonnets. I love it as a form and probably write 1 for every 15 I attempt; which tells you how much effort I put into my completed sonnets.

[Pendragon]

Teaching poetry would seem to be your forte, o King of Dreams! I can take some of your ideas to heart, and strive to improve my poems. Thank you for your support. The next sonnet may be a little better for your help.

Pen