edwardlittle
10-11-2009, 01:23 AM
My first finished story!
Very sorry about the length but when you get carried away...
PLEASE start reading because then you might continue and then I might get some replies!!! And if you don't then i'll know it's not good enough to keep you interested. :(
I intended to leave the ending open to your interpretation, it can be whatever it would be if it was your story.
Anyway without further adieu...
At first he had believed this was what he wanted. Persuaded by emotions he had resolved to take a step out, away. Only he wasn’t any good at walking. Always off balance; never sure of himself. That was a pity too cause now he was stuck. He was for the most part a brave lad and almost cruelly efficient when circumstances got ugly, but now, he was alone.
No man or woman was ever meant to be alone, never meant to suffer alone. Companionship –the very thing that caused his rash actions- was now the soul most important thing to him right now. Right now he was undisputedly in a tight spot. Right now he was past the point of realization. Right now, right or wrong, he was in trouble.
Her voice had always comforted him, even when he wasn’t stressed. All she had to do was open her mouth to make his day. But one unfortunate slip of the tongue had started him thinking. Naturally a deep thinker he had been left with too much time by himself and had assumed too many things. Truthfully she had thought of him only, and as the feeling was mutual it was only a matter of time before they would come to the realization of what the future could bring them.
Unfortunately with such matters there is a sensitive balance between awkwardness, rejection and friendship. Initially this balance is tilted time and again until either party makes a step towards, or, further away. Then comes the solid foundation. This can either be built underneath the pair, and based on respect and adoration, or alternatively between them where a decision is made to never let them get too close in fear of rejection or hurt.
The summer had been the best, the most peaceful, the fairest. Love had blinded his eyes to the stifling heat, the flies were like angels, arguments between his mates seemed as casual conversation incapable of the destructive power that they indeed possessed.
The words ‘if only’ once again spread their dreaded all too familiar wings and took an ominous shape that cast a black shadow of regret. Everyone regretted their taunting remarks that had transformed love to fear and pushed a young man away. He had driven off, driven home. Maybe not home, there was nothing for him there. All those years of insecurity had surfaced and reminded him that she, as so many others had before could not possibly have meant what he hoped. He had mistakenly assumed her intentions were similar to his. He was a fool. To insinuate something like that was selfish and he did not deserve her anyway.
Foolishness now filled his mind, his face turned red. A selfish fool he had been. He had thought only of himself. In his mind everyone was against him. Realistically he wouldn’t get that much attention had he discovered the 10th planet and found the cure for cancer. But this was not the time to lament on his failure. Lying there trapped he reflected. This was the time for desperate, concreted, well thought over actions. Thought power misused had gotten him into this mess and now his mind would be made to get him out or it would go down with him.
In his car before he had turned up his CD player. It was an album he liked but it had made him easily upset and in his confused state he hadn’t paid attention to the road. If not only his life, that was a good car he had and to see them falter, swerve, jerk and finally lurch off the slope was painful, had there been anyone there to witness it. The slope was covered in lantana and small trees which battered and tore at the car until it rolled once, twice, thrice, and again and again and again one last time until resting against a big old spotted gum with a jarring shudder. The car was badly twisted, the passenger much the same. It looked terrible and the chaotic scar that cut into the landscape indicated this with disturbing reality. A groan came from the wreck, for the moment he was alive.
***
She had died a little inside when she heard his car leave. The lunch was good, and she had been talking to a friend. He had seemed to be with her a lot lately and although she held no such intentions it was beginning to look like she was interested in him. Her real interest had just left and feeling awkward she forgot about the dinner momentarily. Why had he gone? Lunch was finished but he usually stayed around to talk for awhile after -she had already been talking...
Suddenly feeling very sick and not at all interested in the weather or tonight’s football match she excused herself and stepped outside. Just a breath of fresh air would help her focus. Repeatedly she told herself that he was just tired and had things to do. After all the boys were leaving later this week, he probably had more important things to do than loiter around here.
Not a word, she didn’t believe a word.
Something was wrong, he hadn’t even said goodbye which had become a very common practice when they parted lately. Hah, he was like that. The little things: so subtle, so reassuring. He was a funny kid and nice, always saying stuff that made her laugh.
That little giggle had made her feel good, but still... Firing up her car she told them she was just going to get something from the shop and no, she didn’t need company. She’d have all she needed of that when she came back. He had been more personal of late and she knew he would ask when she found him. And what’s more she would say yes as she had been quietly saying for some time now.
***
The crushing pain in his chest seemed focused around his heart. He couldn’t see through either the blood or the tears. That he was doomed he knew. Trapped in a cage, a cage he had washed, cared for, talked to, and showed off. It couldn’t help him now; it was in much the same problem that he was and neither of them could reach his phone which was perched on a small rock inches from his face. A rock that vibrated! Wait, rocks don’t vibrate... Now it was talking, no singing. Louder and louder again, it was a tune he knew, a tune he recognized. It had been playing in the car minutes before when he was following the road. He struggled and stretched. For some forgotten reason he needed to get to that rock, or the phone, whichever one was making that sound.
He moved again but a stabbing pain tore at his back and he froze in sheer agony but not before his leg shot out in response to the pain. It smashed into the dash and his foot cut through some scattered glass and twisted metal pieces. He then heard parts of his car fall about him. A moment passed and his body stiffened. He could feel a cool flow running down his leg, his body continued to tighten and as he did his toes numbed and the cool feeling went away, his leg went away!
He could no longer feel his legs, the pain in his back increased with his movements and the soft reassuring music stopped and was replaced by a shrill scratching sound. In that instant the fogginess left his brain and he knew. He understood. A small piece of his car had fallen onto the phone and pressed the answer button. Hope flooded him, there was a God. But wait, he couldn’t open his mouth! Where was this God now? He groaned, and croaked but couldn’t for the life of him speak and he prayed earnestly to his newest friend that he would help her to hear his pitiful squeaking. Battling for a place in his head was a steady gathering of blood and several emotions including remorse, he was sorry. Sorry like he’d never been before, and like he never would be again, if he got the chance.
He couldn’t speak but had answered her call.
She assumed he wouldn’t speak when he realized she had called.
***
She was hurt now but more importantly, sorry. Sorrier than she’d been in a long while, it was partly her fault for being so embarrassed when she needed to show her appreciation. Well he wasn’t going get a chance to forget her. She knew when she had her life long partner and she wasn’t going to lose him. Spurred on suddenly she applied more pressure with her foot and began to feel anxious, but not for the police although they now had cause to get acquainted. She knew where he would be going, he had often taken her there and she liked the place nearly as much as the company.
***
The familiar sound of a car arrested him from unconsciousness. In his head was a splitting pain but this he forgot and now with a renewed respect for his new mate he filled with resolve and hope. The sound approached and with it he got closer and closer to getting up. In his mind he was already standing, in fact, running. But all of a sudden the sound faded and was gone!
She hadn’t stopped. The pain redoubled, his back throbbed, his body cramped. Death was now not only a sure thing but it was with open arms he welcomed it in. He couldn’t live without her anyway. The screech of tires sounded faintly in his ears and the thrashing shrubs seemed to return. Flashes of countryside replayed in his mind, he was rolling, rolling...
***
Dear God, please! She was talking to a previously unfamiliar being, she had never needed God, but now, well things were different. God and her were about to get along like old friends. She saw skid marks, there was something about them. A small yellow-footed rock wallaby stood at the side of the road, swaying groggily and licking it’s bloody shoulder. A peculiar thing to see at this time o---
Sickeningly cold she felt her fingers numb and her neck crawled. Fear had given her the reflexes of a panther and her brakes gripped tightly. The wheels locked and the car screeched to a stop. But she wasn’t in it. She had leaped out of the car before it stopped and nearly fell over the edge of the road. Steadying herself she stood looking for a moment unmoving. There was a disturbing cut down the slope ending in the tangled mess of a painfully familiar car. She reached for her phone only to find it was already in her hand and she was already pressing 000 before she knew she was even holding it. Women can do several things at once and she was now talking, crying, running, fearing, hoping as she ran down to the wreck. He hadn’t said anything when she rang his phone before and now with horrible realization she knew why. In her mind she was never going to live alone and she wasn’t considering it now either. She saw him in the hospital and she saw him on his way out. Walking on his two feet, his hand held hers; there was life and love in his eyes and a golden ring on his left ring finger, similar to hers, but then again they had always had things in common.
Very sorry about the length but when you get carried away...
PLEASE start reading because then you might continue and then I might get some replies!!! And if you don't then i'll know it's not good enough to keep you interested. :(
I intended to leave the ending open to your interpretation, it can be whatever it would be if it was your story.
Anyway without further adieu...
At first he had believed this was what he wanted. Persuaded by emotions he had resolved to take a step out, away. Only he wasn’t any good at walking. Always off balance; never sure of himself. That was a pity too cause now he was stuck. He was for the most part a brave lad and almost cruelly efficient when circumstances got ugly, but now, he was alone.
No man or woman was ever meant to be alone, never meant to suffer alone. Companionship –the very thing that caused his rash actions- was now the soul most important thing to him right now. Right now he was undisputedly in a tight spot. Right now he was past the point of realization. Right now, right or wrong, he was in trouble.
Her voice had always comforted him, even when he wasn’t stressed. All she had to do was open her mouth to make his day. But one unfortunate slip of the tongue had started him thinking. Naturally a deep thinker he had been left with too much time by himself and had assumed too many things. Truthfully she had thought of him only, and as the feeling was mutual it was only a matter of time before they would come to the realization of what the future could bring them.
Unfortunately with such matters there is a sensitive balance between awkwardness, rejection and friendship. Initially this balance is tilted time and again until either party makes a step towards, or, further away. Then comes the solid foundation. This can either be built underneath the pair, and based on respect and adoration, or alternatively between them where a decision is made to never let them get too close in fear of rejection or hurt.
The summer had been the best, the most peaceful, the fairest. Love had blinded his eyes to the stifling heat, the flies were like angels, arguments between his mates seemed as casual conversation incapable of the destructive power that they indeed possessed.
The words ‘if only’ once again spread their dreaded all too familiar wings and took an ominous shape that cast a black shadow of regret. Everyone regretted their taunting remarks that had transformed love to fear and pushed a young man away. He had driven off, driven home. Maybe not home, there was nothing for him there. All those years of insecurity had surfaced and reminded him that she, as so many others had before could not possibly have meant what he hoped. He had mistakenly assumed her intentions were similar to his. He was a fool. To insinuate something like that was selfish and he did not deserve her anyway.
Foolishness now filled his mind, his face turned red. A selfish fool he had been. He had thought only of himself. In his mind everyone was against him. Realistically he wouldn’t get that much attention had he discovered the 10th planet and found the cure for cancer. But this was not the time to lament on his failure. Lying there trapped he reflected. This was the time for desperate, concreted, well thought over actions. Thought power misused had gotten him into this mess and now his mind would be made to get him out or it would go down with him.
In his car before he had turned up his CD player. It was an album he liked but it had made him easily upset and in his confused state he hadn’t paid attention to the road. If not only his life, that was a good car he had and to see them falter, swerve, jerk and finally lurch off the slope was painful, had there been anyone there to witness it. The slope was covered in lantana and small trees which battered and tore at the car until it rolled once, twice, thrice, and again and again and again one last time until resting against a big old spotted gum with a jarring shudder. The car was badly twisted, the passenger much the same. It looked terrible and the chaotic scar that cut into the landscape indicated this with disturbing reality. A groan came from the wreck, for the moment he was alive.
***
She had died a little inside when she heard his car leave. The lunch was good, and she had been talking to a friend. He had seemed to be with her a lot lately and although she held no such intentions it was beginning to look like she was interested in him. Her real interest had just left and feeling awkward she forgot about the dinner momentarily. Why had he gone? Lunch was finished but he usually stayed around to talk for awhile after -she had already been talking...
Suddenly feeling very sick and not at all interested in the weather or tonight’s football match she excused herself and stepped outside. Just a breath of fresh air would help her focus. Repeatedly she told herself that he was just tired and had things to do. After all the boys were leaving later this week, he probably had more important things to do than loiter around here.
Not a word, she didn’t believe a word.
Something was wrong, he hadn’t even said goodbye which had become a very common practice when they parted lately. Hah, he was like that. The little things: so subtle, so reassuring. He was a funny kid and nice, always saying stuff that made her laugh.
That little giggle had made her feel good, but still... Firing up her car she told them she was just going to get something from the shop and no, she didn’t need company. She’d have all she needed of that when she came back. He had been more personal of late and she knew he would ask when she found him. And what’s more she would say yes as she had been quietly saying for some time now.
***
The crushing pain in his chest seemed focused around his heart. He couldn’t see through either the blood or the tears. That he was doomed he knew. Trapped in a cage, a cage he had washed, cared for, talked to, and showed off. It couldn’t help him now; it was in much the same problem that he was and neither of them could reach his phone which was perched on a small rock inches from his face. A rock that vibrated! Wait, rocks don’t vibrate... Now it was talking, no singing. Louder and louder again, it was a tune he knew, a tune he recognized. It had been playing in the car minutes before when he was following the road. He struggled and stretched. For some forgotten reason he needed to get to that rock, or the phone, whichever one was making that sound.
He moved again but a stabbing pain tore at his back and he froze in sheer agony but not before his leg shot out in response to the pain. It smashed into the dash and his foot cut through some scattered glass and twisted metal pieces. He then heard parts of his car fall about him. A moment passed and his body stiffened. He could feel a cool flow running down his leg, his body continued to tighten and as he did his toes numbed and the cool feeling went away, his leg went away!
He could no longer feel his legs, the pain in his back increased with his movements and the soft reassuring music stopped and was replaced by a shrill scratching sound. In that instant the fogginess left his brain and he knew. He understood. A small piece of his car had fallen onto the phone and pressed the answer button. Hope flooded him, there was a God. But wait, he couldn’t open his mouth! Where was this God now? He groaned, and croaked but couldn’t for the life of him speak and he prayed earnestly to his newest friend that he would help her to hear his pitiful squeaking. Battling for a place in his head was a steady gathering of blood and several emotions including remorse, he was sorry. Sorry like he’d never been before, and like he never would be again, if he got the chance.
He couldn’t speak but had answered her call.
She assumed he wouldn’t speak when he realized she had called.
***
She was hurt now but more importantly, sorry. Sorrier than she’d been in a long while, it was partly her fault for being so embarrassed when she needed to show her appreciation. Well he wasn’t going get a chance to forget her. She knew when she had her life long partner and she wasn’t going to lose him. Spurred on suddenly she applied more pressure with her foot and began to feel anxious, but not for the police although they now had cause to get acquainted. She knew where he would be going, he had often taken her there and she liked the place nearly as much as the company.
***
The familiar sound of a car arrested him from unconsciousness. In his head was a splitting pain but this he forgot and now with a renewed respect for his new mate he filled with resolve and hope. The sound approached and with it he got closer and closer to getting up. In his mind he was already standing, in fact, running. But all of a sudden the sound faded and was gone!
She hadn’t stopped. The pain redoubled, his back throbbed, his body cramped. Death was now not only a sure thing but it was with open arms he welcomed it in. He couldn’t live without her anyway. The screech of tires sounded faintly in his ears and the thrashing shrubs seemed to return. Flashes of countryside replayed in his mind, he was rolling, rolling...
***
Dear God, please! She was talking to a previously unfamiliar being, she had never needed God, but now, well things were different. God and her were about to get along like old friends. She saw skid marks, there was something about them. A small yellow-footed rock wallaby stood at the side of the road, swaying groggily and licking it’s bloody shoulder. A peculiar thing to see at this time o---
Sickeningly cold she felt her fingers numb and her neck crawled. Fear had given her the reflexes of a panther and her brakes gripped tightly. The wheels locked and the car screeched to a stop. But she wasn’t in it. She had leaped out of the car before it stopped and nearly fell over the edge of the road. Steadying herself she stood looking for a moment unmoving. There was a disturbing cut down the slope ending in the tangled mess of a painfully familiar car. She reached for her phone only to find it was already in her hand and she was already pressing 000 before she knew she was even holding it. Women can do several things at once and she was now talking, crying, running, fearing, hoping as she ran down to the wreck. He hadn’t said anything when she rang his phone before and now with horrible realization she knew why. In her mind she was never going to live alone and she wasn’t considering it now either. She saw him in the hospital and she saw him on his way out. Walking on his two feet, his hand held hers; there was life and love in his eyes and a golden ring on his left ring finger, similar to hers, but then again they had always had things in common.