Crepuscular Meat

[Dirtbag]

I don't know... as a friend once put it. "You're so random."

Thanks for stopping by though. I appreciate it. And to quote another attractive girl...

"Hi. I'm Taylor. I write songs and I hope you like them. This is my Youtube page, and I love you for looking at it."

Um...

The parted clouds reveal the moon,
like parted lips that I consume and consume.

I am starved but I pray.

Seraph,
Replace yourself in my body,
So that I can dissipate with autumn leaves,
Take me to a peaceful place and make my face smile,
for all the world to gaze.

Quietly.
Quietly.

My soul decays.

My slow flesh grows alone in abnormality,
So slowly that your tender sun becomes enraged...
...and peels my skin away.

Angels in warm beds still sleep,
Until they wake to alarm clock beeps,
Locked in the world of deities,
And I still cut misshapen keys,
I still fight the shadow beasts,

Quietly, with the iridescent sky...

Descend in heaving breaths,
To the morning chilled concrete floor,
To rest,
To rest,

A slab of crepuscular meat.
In sorrow 'til I sleep.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/39/Kanye-West-grabs-the-mic-2009-vma.jpg


She's my hero. I feel like I should say something else. Word to the lit net poets. You're all pretty rad. Pretty fly guys. Oh man, I'm wasting your time. Sorry but if you think about it... no no nvm. Feedback, I guess? I'd like that. Only if you want to. Look at all these words. It's over....

[~Sophia~]

Hi Dirtbag (interesting name!) I really enjoyed reading this. Not sure if it's a poem or song lyrics because it has such a strong melody and rhythm. The only place I stumbled or felt a little jarred was


Angels in warm beds still sleep,
Until they wake to alarm clock beeps,
Locked in the world of deities,

and I was thinking the word "beeps" seems really out of place. I realize there is a rhyme scheme but that word just irked me there. Other than that... Sweeeeeeeeeet!

[Dirtbag]

Hi Dirtbag (interesting name!) I really enjoyed reading this. Not sure if it's a poem or song lyrics because it has such a strong melody and rhythm. The only place I stumbled or felt a little jarred was



and I was thinking the word "beeps" seems really out of place. I realize there is a rhyme scheme but that word just irked me there. Other than that... Sweeeeeeeeeet!
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. It's intended to be a poem.

Angels in warm beds still sleep,
Until they rise to a pulsing beep,

Do you think that's any better? Should I use less syllables? I may need to think about it some more. I appreciate the feedback.

Until they rise to the morning beep?

[Pendragon]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. It's intended to be a poem.

Angels in warm beds still sleep,
Until they rise to a pulsing beep,

Do you think that's any better? Should I use less syllables? I may need to think about it some more. I appreciate the feedback.

Until they rise to the morning beep?

I'd go with your improved lines. Fits the rhythm and content of your wonderful poem better