Sonora

[~Sophia~]

Sonora

sometimes I dislocate my shoulder trying
to hail a sanpan with a brush stroke but
in a paper desert, a brim of hands hovers
over deadened eyes like hawk wings
mantling a kill

and it’s only the murmuring trade winds
(lacing sad songs through the prickly arms
of a sahuaro that can’t touch itself without
bleeding) lifting the dunes so I can watch

her bathe him in light, ruby lips repelling
down the mountain and the way night
after night the horizon seeps into
the mouth of a succulent sun

[Pendragon]

Wow! this one leaves me speechless

[~Sophia~]

Thanks (I think?) Pendragon! I'm not certain that this one is done yet but, I think it's getting closer LOL!

[firefangled]

I haven't seen the desert for 40 years and your poem brings back the memory.

The imagery is excellent. The parentheses puzzle me. I love the last two lines with the oxymoronish image of the sun.

[~Sophia~]

The parentheses are there because, it's a whole separate thought. A sahuaro, arms up, always waving, hoping but covered in thorns so that not even a bird can land. I think cactus are the loneliest things on the planet. Some day, I'll write just about the sahuaro.
Thanks firefangled! I'm pleased if it brought back a memory and that you could feel the dichotomy of a searing sun as succulent!

[DanBierce]

Well, for me the lines in parantheses make the poem.

" (lacing sad songs through the prickly arms
of a sahuaro that can’t touch itself without
bleeding) "

Great!

As far as a thought to offer concerning revision I would suggest trying to do away with some of the "ing" word endings and see what happens. I think the result might be a stronger voice.

Enjoyed!

Dan

[symphony]

I had to comment on this one, had to thank you...

Often in your poems i hear music... this time it was a shrill, sharp, flute, and the deep voice of a 60-ish woman....
The music in mind is clear. I love poems that give me music... Thank you.

[~Sophia~]

Hi symphony! Thank you for that!

[cogs]

i agree you should do one about the cactus... trees without leaves, left naked in a desert winter

[Silas Thorne]

love the last stanza in particular, the 'succulent sun' loves to play on my tongue, wordwise, anyway.

[~Sophia~]

Hi cogs ... perhaps one day I will but I think a desert tree without leaves is even more vulnerable in the prickly heat of a summer sun.

________________________________

Hola Silas, two "s" words back to back do tend to tickle LOL! (and thanks!)

[cogs]

yes, sophia, i should have made it clear it is a burning desert winter, winter being the next stanza someone could use as a metaphor for severe lonliness that leaves one cold, and frozen erect in a futile cry to the melting sky for the intimate touch of the brave

[~Sophia~]

I'd say you've pretty well written it...

in this desert winter burning
a loneliness of thorny leaves
frozen, erect - like a futile cry
there is no melting sky
or an intimate touch
for the brave
___________________

Nice poem cog! (please forgive me, the desert made me do it)