Ralavik
10-05-2009, 05:40 AM
This was inspired from a dream I had, and I took the liberty to add in my own conscious interpretation of it.
This is only the first part, and I have sped through with the edit. I still think it is rough, especially transition wise. Nevertheless, I expect nothing but honest critiques.
Thanks in advance for any feedback.
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Upon entering the room, he had almost forgotten his troubles that were hounding him. The vast hall was unlike any that he had hurried past on the levels below, or any that he had ever occupied in his life, for that matter. It was a Parthenon inspired design, though with a low ceiling, and bore an Olympian grace which stood proudly over the skyline of the city. It was lofty, in quite a literal and metaphorical sense; no problems beset the frequenters of this place, lest they were problems they had born upon themselves, or each other.
His sense of direction and place was forgone as his eyes gazed transfixed at a point between the columns. In nature's waning hours she gilded everything with natural luxury, and seemed to crown its head of royalty. This opulence, no, this heavenly condition, wasn't intended for man. Never was. His mind elevated to grasp, in vain, the spiritual uncertainties that tantalized the world.
He walked toward the far side of the rectangular room. The golden rays were enticing him to move, to suck him in and let it completely envelope his feeling of belonging. He wished, and for a split second wondered, that this would be a gateway to a different, more wonderful place. Walking forward, the light was getting brighter, offering promises that no sane mind could deny.
Everything vanished and there was only the gleaming nexus. Humility found him, as if the very light had chosen someone who thought himself unworthy of the notice. His skin started to tingle as he drew upon the apex of his destination. It seemed as if the light was percolating through every pore. He put his arm up to shield his eyes from the assaulting, yet welcoming, paradise.
And walked through.
This is only the first part, and I have sped through with the edit. I still think it is rough, especially transition wise. Nevertheless, I expect nothing but honest critiques.
Thanks in advance for any feedback.
----------------
Upon entering the room, he had almost forgotten his troubles that were hounding him. The vast hall was unlike any that he had hurried past on the levels below, or any that he had ever occupied in his life, for that matter. It was a Parthenon inspired design, though with a low ceiling, and bore an Olympian grace which stood proudly over the skyline of the city. It was lofty, in quite a literal and metaphorical sense; no problems beset the frequenters of this place, lest they were problems they had born upon themselves, or each other.
His sense of direction and place was forgone as his eyes gazed transfixed at a point between the columns. In nature's waning hours she gilded everything with natural luxury, and seemed to crown its head of royalty. This opulence, no, this heavenly condition, wasn't intended for man. Never was. His mind elevated to grasp, in vain, the spiritual uncertainties that tantalized the world.
He walked toward the far side of the rectangular room. The golden rays were enticing him to move, to suck him in and let it completely envelope his feeling of belonging. He wished, and for a split second wondered, that this would be a gateway to a different, more wonderful place. Walking forward, the light was getting brighter, offering promises that no sane mind could deny.
Everything vanished and there was only the gleaming nexus. Humility found him, as if the very light had chosen someone who thought himself unworthy of the notice. His skin started to tingle as he drew upon the apex of his destination. It seemed as if the light was percolating through every pore. He put his arm up to shield his eyes from the assaulting, yet welcoming, paradise.
And walked through.