My Words

[Dark Muse]

My Words

With words
if I could
I would
topple towers

watch them fall
into the dust
grind into the ash

black stains
and black eyes
watching black faces

they pass
as ghosts
in their dance

and if I could
I would
with words
rule the world

hold domination
in my hands
smile
to myself
upon a throne
made of their
scattered bones

no gold
only souls
to pay my dues
to the moon
and the shadows

and I could
with words
I would
crush
sand castle dreams
laughing in the dark

never a blink
carving myself
out of marble
frozen inside
myself

words which can create
may destroy
words that breathe
can be snuffed
words of comfort contort

and my words
would
break through walls
invading cells
feasting upon ideas

until
at last
there was only

silence....

[DanielBenoit]

I am in love with the rhythm!



My Words

grind into the ash



There seems to be something very industrial about this line in isolation. I get the image of collapsed ancient citadels and fortresses being grinded into the dirt by large trucks.



black stains
and black eyes
watching black faces


This is my only beef with the poem. The repitition of 'black' seems out of place here (though I can see it in other poems of yours). Yeah I know, there is the repitition of 'I could' and 'I would' throughout the poem, but they are very firm with certitude. This repitition is just descriptive and doesn't work along with the 'I' repitition in the poem.



and if I could
I would
with words
rule the world


This has got to be the most pleasurable part of the poem to read. I just love how the words seem to curl out of your tounge.



to pay my dues
to the moon


Reminded me of your Ode to the Moon thread ;)
Very beautiful.



sand castle dreams

Yes!



until
at last
there was only

silence....

Ooo, great twist ending!



:thumbs_up:thumbs_up

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much.


This is my only beef with the poem. The repitition of 'black' seems out of place here (though I can see it in other poems of yours). Yeah I know, there is the repitition of 'I could' and 'I would' throughout the poem, but they are very firm with certitude. This repitition is just descriptive and doesn't work along with the 'I' repitition in the poem.

Yes, I understand what you are saying here. You are right that repitition does stand out from the rest of the poem, and is not used anywhere else within, but it just sort of rolled off my tonge that way.



Reminded me of your Ode to the Moon thread ;)
Very beautiful.

Thank you, yes, the moon is of personal significance to me.


Glad you enjoyed!

[qimissung]

This builds so powerfully to that last ominous...silence. Bravo, and well done, DM.