The Evening's Wine

[NickAdams]

The evening's wine stains the table,
As evening kisses stained our lips.
I held her under the Red Maple,
As leaves and bodies shook and slipped.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I don't get the concept of bodies blowing, other of course than in a visceral way I don't think you intended but otherwise I deeply appreciate the economy of this, the feeling that anything more would be redundant.

[NickAdams]

Thanks. You're right about that; I changed the word, but it is too harsh and not fluid. I will have to think about this.

[Virgil]

The evening's wine stains the table,
As evening kisses stained our lips.
I held her under the Red Maple,
As leaves and bodies shook and slipped.

:lol: It's funny but that opening similie is extremely intriguing and incredibly suggestive. I love it!!

[DanielBenoit]

The brevity of the poem is quite fascinating, and even though I've only read two poems from you so far, your traditional sort of style is quite intriguing (I am mainly reffering to "Lo! Labor leaven lot" when I say this, which was a linguistic explosion of words for me :D)

[NickAdams]

:lol: It's funny but that opening similie is extremely intriguing and incredibly suggestive. I love it!!

Thanks.:D There was a second stanza that ventured into pornographic, which is why I removed it.:blush:


The brevity of the poem is quite fascinating, and even though I've only read two poems from you so far, your traditional sort of style is quite intriguing (I am mainly reffering to "Lo! Labor leaven lot" when I say this, which was a linguistic explosion of words for me :D)

Thanks. I take that as a high compliment, because many who do the same get criticized for being archaic.

Here's a few links to older poetry post if you're interested:

Long Awaited Rattled Ship
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46854

On the Genealogy of Mortals
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41363

Drink like Water the Wine
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=36570