Scream.

[sc9108]

''I'm so angry.... I just feel .. (Sigh) just so bitter and.. And twisted with this anger... I feel like I want to scream.. Just scream and, And feel it all go ... But I'm to scared to scream, Because if I scream.. I'm gonna scream so loud.. I'll never be able to scream again.''


A little starter for a story I'm doing :)

Please let me know what you think, And also what you think it means... I think it might mean a lot of different things.

[PrinceMyshkin]

''I'm so angry.... I just feel .. (Sigh) just so bitter and.. And twisted with this anger... I feel like I want to scream.. Just scream and, And feel it all go ... But I'm to scared to scream, Because if I scream.. I'm gonna scream so loud.. I'll never be able to scream again.''


A little starter for a story I'm doing :)

Please let me know what you think, And also what you think it means... I think it might mean a lot of different things.

I think it might be a little over the top and seems to have expressed EVERYTHING it would be better if we could come to feel on the basis of the narrative.

As to what provoked it, I don't have a clue.

[sc9108]

I think it might be a little over the top and seems to have expressed EVERYTHING it would be better if we could come to feel on the basis of the narrative.

As to what provoked it, I don't have a clue.

Good point, But thats what I'm trying to do.

I want to make it as a short film, Rather than using so called ''Dramatic'' music I'm going to create that feeling with this instead.


And thats also what I want to try and do, Make you wonder what caused this feeling :)

[LMK]

I think this might be a case for 'less is more' and agree with PrinceMyshkin.

I think I understand that you want to begin with this feeling of anxiety and anger and sometimes one rambles and repeats when one is in such a state. I think you can still achieve that by paring it down a bit.

For example, and this might still be a bit much,
I'm so angry.... I just feel ... (Sigh)... I want to scream! I want to scream so loud and so long... I want to scream it all out...let it all go; I want to scream until there is nothing left.

Is the line about never screaming again meant to be a foreshadowing? If not, perhaps you could leave it out.

~L

[sc9108]

I think this might be a case for 'less is more' and agree with PrinceMyshkin.

I think I understand that you want to begin with this feeling of anxiety and anger and sometimes one rambles and repeats when one is in such a state. I think you can still achieve that by paring it down a bit.

For example, and this might still be a bit much,
I'm so angry.... I just feel ... (Sigh)... I want to scream! I want to scream so loud and so long... I want to scream it all out...let it all go; I want to scream until there is nothing left.

Is the line about never screaming again meant to be a foreshadowing? If not, perhaps you could leave it out.

~L

I think I agree now :) !

I don't think my characters is ''angry'' as such more... Lost and searching for something in a world full of anger. Its going to be a kind of Catcher In The Rye story.. So I'm changing it and leaving ''Angry' out..


I might even start it him talking about how he woke up that day, I think once I've done the story I'll be able tell what he feels at this point in the story.

More like

''I woke up today with this feeling, Something I've never felt before in my life until that point, Where I lied there and turned my pillow over to lay on the cold side.

Something is different and I can't tell what.


I might even do it about him getting the urge to go somewhere different etc.. Think you get the drift of it :)

(I also go over the top first off ! Don't know why but I like to have O.T.T then go over it in less a couple of hours later :S)

[sc9108]

What do you think of this as an opening ? I quite like it :)

''I woke up this morning completely different... I had this.. This feeling, I've never had before, Just.. Completely empty, And cold... Kind of like the other side of my pillow....''

''My friend really wanted me to go to he's Christmas party.. His been planning it for so long, And its not one of those rubbish ones, He really put in a lot of effort... I feel bad. really bad.. but.. I just can't... I just feel like.. I don't know....''

''I went for breakfast in the same place as always, Just round the corner from my flat... They were giving away these mince pies...But I've gone off of eating I left most of the breakfast too, Every things the same, food, people, places.. Or maybe their different.. Maybe thats why I feel like this.. I'm not sure.''


''I toke a train to go somewhere different, I really don't know why nowheres probably open.... But I just needed to see somewhere different....''
--