Death of a plant

[Delta40]

dried ochre fronds
dangle like dead flaked skin
as traffic streams by
and birds whittle away
the day

exhausted by exhaust
fumed into despondent poise
through grimy glaze
it drapes still
upon thy sill

[white camellia]

This one attracts me. Every word is there to work for it.

[Delta40]

thank you

[PrinceMyshkin]

i wonder why you chose the archaic "thy," which to me detracts a bit from the beautiful spontaneity of this?

[blazeofglory]

dried ochre fronds
dangle like dead flaked skin
as traffic streams by
and birds whittle away
the day

exhausted by exhaust
fumed into despondent poise
through grimy glaze
it drapes still
upon thy sill

This is in fact a very poem and the very title bemuses me.

I am thrilled by it.

We are so much sensitive to or concerned with death of humans, animals but do not care about plants.

Do plants not feel the same kind of pains?

[white camellia]

Liked it much for that, to me, it's more than the death of a plant while the vision of it was purely described, (

To hear an oriole sing
May be a common thing,
Or only a divine.

It is not of the bird
Who sings the same, unheard,
As unto crowd.

The fashion of the ear
Attireth that it hear
in dun or fair.

So whether it be rune,
Or whether it be none,
Is of within;

The "tune is in the tree,"
The sceptic showeth me;
"No, sir! In thee!"

--Emily Dickinson)

and, your use of words, like, the use of "thy" instead of "your". It didn't distract me or it did, only for the good (maybe part of the reason is that I'm not a native speaker of English). There's a kind of mysterious, intense, remote feeling in it.

[qimissung]

You captured that moment perfectly Delta. Like blazeofglory, we often forget plants, but I,too, think they feel.

[Delta40]

i wonder why you chose the archaic "thy," which to me detracts a bit from the beautiful spontaneity of this?

I was thinking 'upon thy soul' when I wrote 'upon thy sill'

[firefangled]

You pieced this together like an exquisite quilt. The last line nudges the event out of the secular and charges us to reconsider the poem within a larger perspective, not the least of which is the power of one word.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The last line nudges the event out of the secular and charges us to reconsider the poem within a larger perspective, not the least of which is the power of one word.

For me that is rather an unconvincing leap, given that there was no foreshadowing (that I could see) to prepare us for it, but your observation should delight the author whether she knowingly intended that enlargement of her theme, or came by it subconsciously.

[Delta40]

gentle poets - I have some insight into my own creations.

I believe 'thy' is the punctum - that which jumps out to the reader, of my poem.

[firefangled]

For me that is rather an unconvincing leap, given that there was no foreshadowing (that I could see) to prepare us for it, but your observation should delight the author whether she knowingly intended that enlargement of her theme, or came by it subconsciously.

Although foreshadowing can be a necessary technique to prepare a reader for the turn in a longer poem, I'm not sure it is mandatory in a short poem. The absence of foreshadowing can be as effective as its use when there are few lines in which to make the turn.

For me, the banality of this scene from the title to the last line said there was going to be more than what was meeting the eye to make it succeed. In the end, I felt compelled to give consideration not to just the palm (I assume), but the birds, the traffic, the air, and finally as Delta did, the word sill.

As far as the authors intentions, I can't think of another reason to use "thy," except to indicate that the observer was a staunch Quaker.

[Delta40]

so, its death lays at my door - upon thy soul!

while it rests - upon thy sill!